Filling in the Blanks
by thefishoutofwater
Summary: Meeting someone new and building a relationship together means taking time to get to know each others friends and each others history. A slow tale of how Jo navigates from jealousy to something else.
1. Chapter 1

A/N I've come back to update this note slightly now I'm pretty much done. This started ou couple of scenes and has turned into a more cohesive story. I've had feedback from some people who don't like my take on Jo throughout - my intent in these snippets is not "Jo bashing" but rather trying to capture the sense of her occasional isolation and jealousy when presented with Alex' existing relationships something that he is often blindly insensitive to. I try to show how ultimately how they might grow through that, or face the consequences.

I've also had feedback hoping this is an out and out Merlex. I think the truth is somewhat more ambiguous than that. I am fascinated by the relationship between Alex and Mer and her kids and have tried to show that.

I hope you enjoy.

Assume this chapter starts us somewhere mid Season 10. Not mine!

* * *

Meredith can see Wilson skulking in the kitchen and can't help but feel exasperated. The younger woman is perched at the kitchen island with her books spread in front of her and a bottle of beer in her hand. At first glance she is doing a reasonable job of looking uninterested as her boyfriend's friends (and her bosses) gather in the living room. A second glance shows little in the way of medical studying happening as she takes advantage of her vantage point to watch the group gathering on the still pristine sofa.

Meredith shakes her head slightly and looks away. It's frustrating watching the other woman sulk in the kitchen. If it were Zola hiding away from guests whilst throwing such longing looks in their direction she can imagine Derek now, 'get up, get involved Zo' but here is a grown woman unable to do the same thing.

Derek a semi reluctant attendee at this gathering sees where his wife is looking and quirks a smile in her direction,

"Do you even think she knew we were coming?"

"I'd say unlikely. It's…"

Derek is quick to cut her off. Meredith is not always as considered as she could be when it comes to Wilson. It doesn't surprise him. New people are not really her thing and this one, slowing softening Karev's sharper edges whilst sitting in Meredith's mom's kitchen is not making it through her usual walls as quickly as he'd hoped. They may be a family these days complete with two kids but she will always be invested in her hospital family. Thinking of his own gives Derek pause and he nudges his wife gently distracting her again from her thoughts and surveillance,

"Where's Zola?"

Meredith smiled,

"With Cristina."

Sure enough slowly hopping down the old wooden staircase came the little girl holding desperately tightly to the handrail in her right and Cristina's perfect cardio hand in her left. Tuning into her best friend and daughter Meredith could see, rather than hear the two slowly counting stairs as they made their disjointed jumps down to the foyer. Cristina released the little hand and paused watching the small girl continue to hop into the room.

Cristina watched, an affectionate smile on her lips. She tilted her head to her host and gave a wide, dangerous grin,

"Great hopping Zo!" she encouraged, "and what are you?"

"I'm a kan.. kang…"the little girl stuttered over the word, "I'm a kangaroo," a pause whilst the adults laughed gently and fondly. She continued, bounding to the centre of the room,

"Like Alex."

Jo's head snapped up in time to watch Alex, Meredith and Cristina exchange a quick three-way glance,

"Tell me you didn't?" he was glaring at Cristina but his tone was resigned, "Tell we you haven't been using a small child to do your dirty work? Low blow Yang."

Meredith laughed as she watched him sweep Zola from her feet and spin her in the air as he addressed the child,

"You should know not to listen to Cristina little Shepherd. She," he paused. He really did not want to say lies, "she has been known to exaggerate."

The little girl considered him from her resting place against his chest,

"So you weren't a kangaroo?"

"No Zola. I was not a kangaroo."

A small frown bothered her forehead as she considered this conflicting information. She had quite liked the idea of Alex all cuddly with a pouch. Jackson interrupted confused about why Meredith was still laughing and Yang still smirking,

"What's the story please people?"

In the kitchen Jo was relieved that someone else was on the outside of what was obviously some sort of joke at her boyfriend's expense. Meredith, it had to be thought Jo dully, took it upon herself to explain.

"Oh it's one of Alex' first forays into the wonderful world of pedes. He got naked in the NICU!" Jackson and Jo looked even more confused at the explanation and Alex seemed to be shifting uncomfortably.

"I saved that kid. I was a paediatric God that day. Healed that kid by holding her – no surgical intervention required." He placed Zola gently on the floor.

Jo's eyes widened as she out the pieces together.

"He's right." Meredith confirmed, "one kangaroo hold and the kid rallied. When Bailey saw she had him out of his clothes for some skin on skin action," Cristina snorted, "and there sat Alex all day, and night. Have in pink, half naked kangarooing away!"

"I was a God." Alex made one last, resigned attempt to defend himself.

"the NICU was a popular place that day I'll tell you." Meredith wasn't finished, "Don't think there was a nurse in the hospital who didn't pop by for a quick look."

"Wasn't just the nurses." Alex was rallying.

"Oh we know evil one." Cristina smirked, "We have photos!"

Meredith and Cristina eyed each other and collapsed laughing as Zola, Jackson and Derek joined in. Alex reluctantly laughing headed to the kitchen to replenish beers,

"What's the joke?" Jo pouted slightly,

"Oh nothing. Nothing really." Alex considered his girlfriend as they watched their guests laughing in the living room.


	2. Chapter 2

Early season 11. Still not mine.

* * *

Jo Wilson pulled back the curtain in the ER with more confidence than she felt. She was covering the orthopaedics service and with Dr Torres out for the week the attending she was supposed to be supporting seemed decidedly missing in action.

"Hi, I'm Dr Wilson. What seems to be the issue?"

A young girl, perhaps seven or eight was lying on the gurney, face white and drawn with pain. She was cradling her left arm gingerly. The woman with her was carefully holding her, crooning gently. Jo bit her lip. This was going to need a paediatric consult and after the argument she had had with Alex in the car after their latest Meredith Grey invasion it was a work interaction she could absolutely do without.

"Hi there Dr Wilson." The woman smiled wanly, "This is Laura. Today Laura decided she wanted to climb a tree." The words were delivered with a lifted eyebrow that seemed somewhat familiar.

"I don't mean to be rude but is Dr Karev about today do you know? It would be good to see him."

Jo breathed deeply and nodded to the nurse who stepped away, hopefully to go and page him. Typical she thought. Today she was not going to get the space she desperately needed to get her head in order.

Waiting she flipped through the notes on her tablet, skipping the basic details looking to see when this child had been at Grey-Sloan before for her mother to know Alex. Sure enough she appeared to have been born at the hospital and had had some surgery in her first few days although confusingly there was no mention of Alex' name anywhere in the history summary.

Jo did not have to wait for long as she heard her boyfriends anxious tone outside the curtain,

"Kepner I'm asking a favour can you just keep Meredith away for an hour or two that's all. If you need a consult ask for someone else. Trust me please. It's not an ask for me." There was a sound of a deep breath as the curtain was pulled back once more.

Jo watched Alex walk in, a gentle half smile on his face bearing no reference to his earlier terse tones. He crossed the small cubicle towards Laura's apprehensive mother and to Jo's utter confusion wrap in her a warm hug,

"Hey Mol," he started as he released the woman, "I didn't know you guys were back in the States. You should have called or something." He paused and turned to the quiet tear-stained occupant of the bed, "And you Miss Laura. What have you been up to?"

"Fell out of Grandpa's tree." The young patient smiled at her doctor, "I'd gone ever so high!"

Alex smiled as he approached and carefully examined the arm. As he did so the mother spoke again.

"We're not home. I mean not properly. Eric's been posted and we're heading to Germany. Laura and I have just come to spend some time with Dad before the move. We only arrived two days ago and now…" she gestured at her daughter's arm.

"Well you have definitely broken it but I think we'll grab a couple of x-rays to see exactly what's going on there and decide what happens next. Hopefully it will just be a cast," for the first time since entering he turned to his girlfriend, "Dr Wilson will take you and if I'm right will get you set right up with a cast."

Jo dropped outside of the cubical to see if there was a nurse available to help take the little girl upstairs. From the other side of the curtain she could hear Alex lower his voice all but whispering

"If you are really brave she'll even let you pick the colour." Turning to the little girls mother,

"Do you want me to go get…"

She interrupted quickly,

"No I think not. I mean not like this. I was going to call over the weekend and arrange something but…" she dropped off.

"No worries Mol." Jo re-entered the space in time to see Alex placed a hand gently on the woman's shoulder.

"A quick word please Dr Karev?"

Alex grimaced. There was no choice in the carefully worded question and he pulled the curtain back retreating until he was confident he was out of the hearing of the inhabitants of the little space. Jo looked angry and he tried to stop her before she had started,

"I don't suppose there's any chance we could not do this now? Here?"

"No chance. Who is she? Did you date her?" Jo's voice was rising as she fired questions at him, "Is that little girl? I mean, is she?"

Alex laughed cutting her off,

"Hell no. I didn't date Molly. I have only even met her a few times – admittedly a couple in pretty shitty circumstances."

Jo looked blindly at him and Alex breathed a deep sigh. His girlfriend's previously unseen jealousy was started to talk its toll on him. He decided it was easier to explain quickly and try and move on.

"I dated her sister Jo. She's Lexie Grey's little sister."

Jo looked blankly at him.

"Lexie Grey? Hospital named after her Lexie Grey? So you're telling me that she's another one of Dr Grey's family?"

"Yup she is Meredith's half-sister. Her dad remarried. But it's always been a bit," he paused, "complicated."

He scowled at Jo's eager face,

"Not my story to tell but I will say you need to look after that little girl. I mean if anyone deserves top class treatment it's the kid whose Aunt's name is in the hospital's name right? This isn't about Meredith it's about that kid okay?"

He reached out to squeeze Jo's arm. She bit her lip and then despite herself

"I just wonder why, with so much family she's at ours all the time?"

Alex frowned sadly and turned to walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

I see this as fitting in early / mid Season 11. By now it's probably pretty clear I am not sympathetic to some of Jo's immaturity at this time and I'll probably never be the biggest Jo fan but am fascinated by Alex' development throughout the series and especially his relationship with Meredith and her family. Read it whichever way you will.

Not my characters.

Jo Wilson stood in the lift, sighed and half-heartedly rubbed at her neck trying to release the tightness there. Webber was on some sort of olden days kick; just one of the consequences of which was that her alarm had sounded before there was even a hint of light in the sky. She had pulled her weary body out of the bed reluctantly, leaving her boyfriend snoring gently. While he got to enjoy a day off she had spent the morning running up and down the length of the hospital bouncing from the paediatric ward to the ER down to the free clinic, all the time tailed by an almost silent, yet incompetent intern.

As the clock approached 1 pm Jo swiped through the doors of the paediatric floor for the fifth time not bothering to hold the door for the hapless intern. She was yet to eat lunch and imagined the only food she was going to manage for the day would come from a vending machine and could not quite believe the intern, whose name she really could not remember, had not even thought to provide her with a cup of coffee all morning. Her musings were cut short by the sight of a familiar dark head turning the corner ahead.

"Go see if the bloods we ordered are back yet." She snapped without a second glance backwards as she paced down the corridor in hot pursuit. Turning the corner, she smiled as she saw Alex leaning over one of the nurses' shoulder as she tapped furiously into the computer.

"Hey you." Despite herself she smoothed her hair as she approached. "Couldn't stay away then." The tone was flirtatious and delivered with a wry smile, but he barely looked up.

"Jo," he greeted her, "I'll just be a minute. Nancy here is helping me with the advanced search on this thing."

"Did you not go to the training Dr Karev?" the tone was arch, "I could help you with that."

The nurse snorted quietly at the young resident and to her frustration Alex frowned.

"Not necessary thank you Dr Wilson." The dismissal rung in the air. Jo grabbed a tablet from the station and retreated to the far wall where she continued to covertly watch. After several minutes he thanked the nurse profusely and to Jo's immense irritation he headed off in the direction of the patient rooms without a second glance at her.

Trying hard not to look like she was chasing him she scrolled through a few more pages, not really taking any information in and stretched before strolling off in the same direction.

"Dr Wilson?"

She frowned as her pursuit was thwarted by the intern waving a set of papers at her,

"They're having issues scanning and uploading all the results at the moment, so they are a bit backed up, I've brought paper copies" he started to explain.

"Anything critical?" Jo interrupted.

"Erm," he was flipping pages furiously, "No but we..."

"Okay thank you." She held her hand out for the results, bit her lip and tried to sound more patient than she felt, "why don't you take twenty minutes and try and get some food. You've got another eight hours here at least."

"Wow thanks." The young doctor was clearly flummoxed by the about turn in her mood and headed off quickly before she had the opportunity to change her mind. Not, Jo thought bitterly, that he offered to bring her anything back.

Cleared of distractions she paused outside of the room Alex had disappeared into. The patient was a small girl of perhaps five or six accompanied by an older man probably her grandfather. She had not treated the child and as she flicked through the tablet she was puzzled to see that she was also not one of Alex's patients. Nevertheless, she watched as he smiled easily chatting away to the small girl who responded in kind. Jo watched confused but fascinated as Alex tapped away on his phone before passing it to the little girl who nodded vigorously laughing as she did. Alex stood, bending over to gently fist bump with the young girl before shaking her guardians hand.

"Thanks again Ella. Be good and do what Dr Norwood says." She heard him say from the doorway. He looked up to see Jo leaning against the wall opposite and his smile slowly fell.

"Hey Jo," he started, "sorry about earlier but you can't be like that in front of the nurses. It's not professional."

Jo bit her lip as her temper started to build,

"Not professional? Who is round here? Anyway," she continued, lying, as it looked like he was going to answer her, "I don't care about that. Not really. I was just pleased to see you. I thought maybe you'd come to whisk me away for an exciting cafeteria lunch."

He looked nervous Jo thought despite the smile,

"Sorry babe. Not today. I'm in a bit of a rush. I'll see you tonight though. You'll be home by what? Eight?"

He dropped a kiss on her cheek and started to walk away.

"Alex wait," He paused and turned but made no attempt to approach her again, "What were you doing here?"

He looked a little embarrassed,

"It's Zola's adoption day party tonight," he looked at the floor then the wall, apparently unwilling to meet her eyes,

"Shit I forgot about that." Jo felt the tension in her shoulders return in full force, "that's at your place, right? Will you be done by the time I get back?"

"I'd imagine so. I mean it's not 20 screaming kids type party but it's still a kids thing even if it is a Friday night."

"Don't know why its at yours anyway?" Jo was in full on sulk.

"We've been through this. It's practical we're closer to here for everyone to get over and Mer thinks it's symbolic. I mean it's where she first lived when they got her after all."

Jo felt the tension rise to the beginning of a full-on headache. She took a deep breath and tried not to snap at the 'Mer thinks'.

"Okay that aside then. You were here because?" she tried hard not to sound sarcastic.

"Oh, I thought I'd pop by and get some ideas for a gift." He was embarrassed, "I didn't want to ask Meredith – she'd have said not to bother. Anyway, I have a set of suggestions from someone just her age and I am now going to do battle at the mall," his confidence was returning as he dropped another kiss on Jo's head as he headed back towards the doors.

"Unbelievable." Jo could not help the word escaping. He paused slightly having clearly heard her but then continued back towards the hospital proper at a slightly quicker pace. Jo sighed deeply.

Less than seven hours to go.

* * *

Jo hopped out of the cab as it pulled up outside of Alex' house at close to ten o clock that evening. Her earlier frustrations had been largely dissipated by two large glasses of wine and an hour and a half unloading on Stephanie, who whilst remaining mainly unsympathetic to Jo's current plight was more than willing to listen and nod in the right places whilst the drink kept flowing. The added bonus to her late arrival and improved mood thought Jo as she approached the house was that the guests were likely to have gone and she'd have Alex alone and peace in the house.

Her assumption seemed well founded as she approached the house, the hall lamp was on but dimmed and only the flicker of the fireplace shone through the family room window. The only car on the drive was Alex's own and the house was quiet. She tried the door and found it open without having to scrabble in her purse for keys and as she pushed the door open she heard Alex quietly call from the family room,

"Jo is that you? Shhh go gently." Her spirit sunk.

Heading into the entrance to the room she took in the scene before her. Her boyfriend was sprawled on his, no _their_ sofa a blanket tucked around his legs and his face half lit in firelight; a bottle of beer resting loosely in his hand. He looked up and smiled at her, apparently pleased to see her but held a finger up to his lips in the universal sign for quiet, gesturing with his head towards the fireplace where he had been staring.

The reason became clear. In front of the fire laying on the spare bedding and carefully covered in two blankets lay Meredith Grey, her small daughter tucked under her chin.

Jo tried to keep hold of her hard-won good mood and simply tilted her head and lifted an eyebrow as she sat down next to Alex reaching for his beer. He seemed to appreciate her calm and explained without further question

"Shepherd took Bailey home a little while ago – poor little man was on a sugar high and Zola wasn't ready to go. He said he'd come back and get them once he got the little one settled but I said they could stay here and he'd fetch them tomorrow." He paused, "So we made a fire. And then they dozed off."

"And now you are sat here watching them." Jo finished for him trying to keep her voice down and her temper in check.

"I guess."

She wasn't really expecting him to admit it and let out an inelegant snort at his honesty. She reached for his hand.

"I get it. I think." She was trying and squeezed his hand gently. "I never had this growing up. A mom who'd nag a friend into hosting a party for me. A mom who'd build a fire and hold me all night. A mom full stop really."

He laughed gently.

"This isn't about me Jo. It's about her." He gestured with his head to the two sleeping in front of the fire.

"Meredith Grey?" Jo's voice was not as low as she'd have liked as she stalked to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine from a half empty bottle, "Of course it is."

"Shhh," he warned her as she sat back down glass in hand, "No not Mer. Zola. I mean I came so close to messing this all up for her you know?"

"What?" Jo pulled her feet under her body as she leaned in closer to Alex. He rarely offered up personal information,

"I threw a temper tantrum that got Zola taken away from Mer and Shepherd for ages half way through their adoption process. In fact, it nearly split them up." He paused lost in thought, "I brought this kid half way around the world to try and help her, got her health issues sorted so I felt like superstar and then she hit the jackpot and found a family… this great family and I fucked it all up."

"Then you fixed it Alex."

The pair on the sofa jumped as Meredith's voice sounded quietly from the floor,

"Then you fixed it." She repeated. She cradled her daughter awkwardly as she started to sit up. Jo watched as Alex jumped up to take the little girl from her, placing her gently on a chair, blanket snuggled around her. Meredith unfolded herself gently rubbing at her back,

"You think I didn't know?" An eyebrow lifted as she stepped closer to Alex, "We heard the whole story in the end. You could have been arrested 'negotiating 'with a judge like that but you went and did it anyway," her right hand touched gently at Alex's shoulder before she bent to pick up the bedding. As she straightened she turned to Jo,

"Don't listen to him Wilson. He brought this little girl half way round the world to fix her, more than once I might add and then moved heaven and earth to make sure she got a family. A forever family. If she looks at him from time to time like he hung the moon it's because for her he did." She shook her head as if embarrassed by what she'd said and the continued in a brisker tone,

"Also he spoils her," a head nod to the toy store bag at the end of the sofa, "And he's now going to do me a favour and carry her to a proper bed?" A quick glance at Alex who gave a barely imperceptible nod "Night Wilson"

"Night Dr Grey." A quiet response as Jo pondered, for once not hung up on the sight of the two old friends climbing the stairs together child in arms but rather in what she had been told.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Consider this to be some missing or alternative scenes and thoughts to go with the She's Leaving Home episodes, Season 11, Episode 22 & carry my take of the story forward a little.

The warm spring day complete with rare clear skies had passed Jo Wilson by. She was exhausted. Bone shudderingly tired and emotionally spent. A rotation on the plastics service had left her working in the burns unit and the pain and stoicism of her patients was starting to get to her.

The house was dark and quiet when she finally made it home. Whilst relieved that it wasn't another night she had to deal with a sad and needy Maggie Pierce on the sofa the whole house did feel unnaturally still. Nevertheless on unlocking the door she dragged herself up the stairs pulling slowly on the bannisters to climb to the first floor where she all but fell into the shower keen to wash away the sharp, sterile smell of the unit away.

Clean and at least a little refreshed she pulled on a t-shirt and headed to bed. Alex lay, covers partially thrown off in his sleep and his hand loosely reaching to his dresser and his phone. He stirred as she slid into the bed, careful to keep her cold feet away from his leg,

"Hey," a sleepy half- smile and a soft kiss planted carefully on her forehead as he turned slightly pulling her closer, "Any word at the hospital tonight?"

She bit down on her frustration. Alex's focus on finding his missing friend only seemed to grow as the days had gotten longer and the weeks turned into months.

"Nothing. No news. Go back to sleep." She pressed a soft kiss to his chest and closed her eyes.

* * *

It was mid June and the rain was falling relentlessly as Jo ran through the front door, magazine ineffectively held over her head.

"I swear I need to get a new umbrella," she announced as she shook her wet hair and stripped off the damp raincoat, "Alex are you here?"

She found him in the kitchen watching a pot of soup on the stove a phone in hand and a sheet of paper in front of him. Right hand continuing to scroll through his web pages he half turned to the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. She crossed over to him, took the can and pulled herself into his chest for a hug. He moved her closer with his left arm dropping a kiss in her hairline. She smiled and sank into the embrace. Even as she did so feeling the stress of the day start to fall away she was aware of him bringing the phone to his ear,

"Hi can you put me through to Dr Grey please? Surgical wing?" a pause whilst he waited and where Jo tried hard not to show her irritation, "ok thanks no. Not to worry. Bye."

He extracted himself from the hug and put the phone down with a sigh. Picking up a pen he scrawled the name of the hospital he had just rung at the bottom of a longer list and drew an angry line through it. The pen was thrown back to the counter and he went again to pick up the phone. Jo gently reached over and placed her hand over his,

"No more Alex. Not tonight please." So saying she lifted the hand to her lips kissing it gently. Her heart crumbling at how sad he looked and her inability to fix it.

* * *

Jo had been sequestered in the burns unit whilst the main Seattle firework display lit of the sky overhead. Any local or neighbourhood displays had been well finished by the time she pulled the car up in front of the dark house after another long day.

Deciding she would live without a shower she moved carefully around the darkened room until she was ready and climbed into bed next to a still Alex, the phone on top of the covers under his hand. He made no move towards her and so she lay listening to his breathing trying to work out if he was asleep. Just as she decided he was and started to lengthen her own breathing he spoke suddenly, making her jump,

"Until Izzie I always did the leaving you know?" Jo paused, shocked. She could count on one hand the number of times he had ever proactively mentioned his ex-wife.

"I didn't care about anyone when I went into the system. I left for school so fast my mom, brother and sister didn't see me for dust, and I never really looked back." he paused, apparently lost in thought whilst Jo scrabbled to keep up. She wasn't sure she had realised he had siblings.

"I don't keep in touch with anyone from college. I don't keep in touch with anyone from med school. Each time I just packed a bag and kept moving. You know this. I was all ready to walk away when Jimmy showed up. Just turned around and kept going." The pause lengthened, and Jo hummed an incompressible but hopefully positive noise to encourage him to continue.

"When Izzie left I nearly walked but Mer talked me down. I mean not really because we don't talk about real stuff back then, but she knew. She knew I was restless and she talked me down. When the papers finally came, Mer was ready to go kick her ass! but leaving was not an option." He snorted gently lost in the past,

"Then after the boards, after the plane accident I was all ready to leave. You know that right? When you first started? I was all ready to go start this great new career and then she called me out. Right there in the middle of the fricking airport. And like an idiot it got to me. So, I turned around and came straight back even when Yang had moved on. Oh, Yang - she got to go to Minneapolis and I stayed. Then even when she came back she got leave again and yet here I am. Still staying."

"I know." Jo was quiet, afraid of disturbing his train of thought and almost hypnotised by his tense, bitter voice,

"There was a time when I thought she was off to Boston but she didn't in the end. Then it was going to be Washington and a town house and a perfect family but she didn't want it. But now after all that she's gone, and I'm still here. I swear to God Jo I thought it all mattered. I thought after everything _we_ mattered but she's gone and left. Like Izzie, like O'Malley, like Yang they've all up and left and I'm still here. When did I stop being the one who left and became the one who got left behind?"

His voice cracked and Jo stunned by the raw pain behind his words and trying to not read into his parallels between his ex-wife and the still missing Meredith Grey pulled him to her chest, holding his head and rubbing his back tenderly,

"I know babe, I know. I'm here though Alex, and I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Jo couldn't wait for the Christmas season to be over. With no childhood memories of how a family holiday should be she always felt a little like an uninvited guest or an actor who had not quite finished learning all the lines when it came to Christmas, Halloween or Thanksgiving.

This year though it was feeling like an uphill climb even without her usual antipathy.

In the burns unit she found her eyes filling with tears as the still horribly scarred JJ tried to comfort Anne with out of tune carols. On the paediatric ward she found her bottom lip annoyingly uncooperative as the long term patients squealed with joy at a visit from Santa. Pulling a shift in the clinic the poor families had her remembering tings she'd prefer not to as she treated cold, hungry homeless kids.

Home offered little relief, Robbins had made an already terrible time worse by lugging a tree into the living room and then leaving it embarrassingly unadorned with only a half string of lights. The number of attendings passing through seemed to have increased and Jo could no longer persuade her own friends to stop by; 'everyone is just so sad' Stephanie had tried to explain when pushed. Pierce seemed to have moved in and kept producing plates of cookies and never-ending bowls of strangely coloured alcoholic drinks that kept everyone not on call in a dull vaguely drunken morose state. Little Sofia had been to visit and placed, with great ceremony, a present under the tree for Zola much to the consternation of all the adults who had been there and those who had subsequently lingered and spotted the gift. It was not the only present for the missing little girl in the house. Jo has seen a bag of gifts stuffed haphazardly under an old coat in Alex' closet.

Yes, thought Jo mockingly, even in a life of terrible Christmases this one had been particularly crappy.

Still they'd made it to Christmas night and a rare evening where neither she nor Alex were on call. Robbins was at the hospital and Jo had no idea where Pierce was other than a blessed sense of relief that it was not in their house. They sat side by side, Jo lost in thought and Alex weird ice cream eggnog in one hand, ever present phone in the other. The pathetic tree lights and the glow of Alex's phone as he scrolled over Meredith's name were the only light, finger poised on the call button,

"Do you have a good Christmas memory?" his voice shocked her.

"Not really," Jo wondered if she'd sounded too abrupt, "I mean I was in a group home one year where they had a Santa come visit; a boozed-up kind of stinky Santa but still. And there was this foster placement when I was about ten where they had their own kids and just me placed with them and they tried."

He nodded thoughtfully,

"Sometimes we had a tree and dinner and stuff. But it was never a Hallmark movie type of a thing. Dad drank and mom worried when she was on her meds and was oblivious when she was off them. Izzie loved Christmas; which was annoying." He stopped his frown softening as he looked up at a slight mark the ceiling,

"When I started working in pedes I saw how much it meant to the kids it started to make sense, in a way it never really did before. Meredith's more like us than you think you know?"

Jo jumped slightly puzzled with his strange stream of consciousness. Alex noticed her confusion and clarified,

"She's not really a Christmas kind of person either. She used to say she was dark and twisty," the frown gave way to a slight smile, "now Shepherd he was all about that stuff. Big family, lots of celebratory stuff. Liked having people all around,"

"Was that because his girlfriend was basically running a hostel?" Jo couldn't help herself interjecting. He tipped his head slightly with a half smirk, but then continued,

"Bailey's old enough to be getting it now and Zola this should have been her year and I just can't shake myself from this idea that they are eating pizza rather than running round on a cookie high playing with new toys. Mer's a great mom but this Christmas those kids can't have their dad and that sucks. They should at least be in a familiar place with familiar people. If she'd stayed Yang could have come home and we'd have done something for them."

Jo frowned slightly wondering where she fitted in this vision of the Christmas that wasn't. His tone changed,

"One lousy twenty second phone call. 'I'm fine, the kids are fine'. What does that even mean? I'm so damn angry Jo!"

He threw his head back on the sofa, eyes shut.

Jo did not know what to say although not for the first time she cursed Meredith Grey and the limbo she'd placed them in.

Next year, she thought, next year if there was no more news she'd look at getting them away somewhere. Maybe her final year in a new city, maybe a jaunt abroad or even the peace core. Somewhere, anywhere, away from Meredith Grey's damn shadow.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Still not my characters. Assume this is mid season 11.

"Why can I not find an intern anywhere?" Stephanie Edwards slammed a tablet down on the nurse's station opposite the OR board with more force than was either necessary or sensible,

"Should they not just be behind me when I need one? Isn't that what we did? Hover, waiting to be useful?"

"Oh I don't know they seem to travel in a pack unless you manage to peel one off. Find one you'll find them all. Are they out by the dumpsters?" Jo Wilson was dismissive of her friend as she surveyed the board for the day.

"I don't think I should have to go looking for them. They should be wanting me to find them." Edwards was insistent.

Behind the two younger women Meredith Grey and April Kepner exchanged wry smiles. There always came a point when residents forgot what being an intern was like.

"Try the linen storage space in the basement. Before we moved from Mercy that's where Reed and I used to hang out." April's voice remained steady over her dead friend's name.

"Maybe try the vents. Cristina used to like it down there." Meredith's voice was wistful.

"Looking for places to skive work?" Alex Karev joined the group.

"More like looking for our interns." Edwards retorted

"On call room? Storage space behind the ORs? Oh what about the storage at the clinic – that's pretty quiet on Mondays?"

"Not looking for places where you have hooked up." Meredith pushed gently on his shoulder as she spoke.

In front of them Jo's shoulders stiffened almost imperceptibly. It was one thing knowing your boyfriend had been around a bit it was quite another to have it rubbed in your face.

"Thanks for that Doctor Grey," she hoped she had hit the right tone, uninterested versus out and out dismissive.

"Oh, like you were any better?" Alex started to rebut not really helping Jo's plight.

"That's enough of that." April tried to shut the conversation down as she moved off back in the direction of the ER.

"Fine. Well what about the tunnels? That's where we hung out."

"Where are the tunnels?" Stephanie was confused but not heard as Meredith let out a rare laugh.

"The tunnels where you felt Cristina up?"

Jo and Stephanie both pivoted sharply to look at a smiling Meredith and surprisingly flustered looking Alex. He spluttered slightly, narrowing his eyes at his friend,

"That was not _that_. You know it."

"Oh, I know. But your face," another short peal of laughter, "it was when you…"

He interrupted quickly, gesturing to the avidly listening residents with a sharp tilt of his head,

"Enough Meredith."

"You're no fun." She retorted, sauntering away the hint of a smile still firmly in place.

Alex took a deep breath and turned to the two,

"Had you better not go and find your interns before rounds then Doctors?" he attempted to dismiss them.

Stephanie took one look at Jo's face and set off leaving her friend behind.

"Alex?" she queried gently, not quite sure where to start.

"Not now Jo." His tone was kinder than the words, "not here."

* * *

Alex turned the key in the engine to start the car as Jo clipped her buckle in place,

"So what was all that about?"

He rubbed a hand across his forehead tiredly. He'd hoped she might have forgotten the conversation over five hours prior.

"Yang and I never had a thing."

"I know that," She was scornful at his attempt to close the conversation down "I want to know what Dr Grey was going to say."

He took a deep breath and switched engine off; turning to her,

"This is between us okay?"

"Just us and Dr Grey?"

He rolled his eyes,

"I mean you and I. Not for chit chat with Edwards. Not for bringing up again when you are tired, or I piss you off. Just one time. Just us."

He reached out and took a hand, running his thumb across her palm until she nodded suddenly more serious.

"I failed my practical board just before I started here," he held a finger up to indicate she should not jump in, "I was an ass back then," a half smirk, "more of an ass then. I was scared, convinced I was done for. Anyway, Meredith found out and insisted on helping. Managed to get all of them to help me even though they couldn't stand me."

He stopped staring across the parking lot back towards the hospital with eyes that were not quite seeing,

"It was just before Christmas and suddenly I had these four people who would not even eat their lunch with me helping and rooting for me. It was weird. It had always been me and then they were. Forcing me to let them help. Even then you could tell Yang was going to be something and the other three were all happy, living together this little tight unit and then there they were giving up surgeries, giving up sleep to help me."

He shook his head slightly and snapped back to the present,

"You get why I don't want your peers to know?"

"Of course," Jo was quick to agree, "say no more."

She squeezed at the hand still holding her own as he reached back out for the key and started the car once more.

Jo leaned her head back against the head rest and shut her eyes as she played his words over again in her head, thinking not about his failed test but the vulnerability in his voice when he spoke about a time before he was part of his intimidatingly tight knit Grey Sloan family.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Consider this to be some missing or alternative scenes and thoughts to go with the She's Leaving Home episodes, Season 11, Episode 22 & carry my take of the story forward a little.

The warm spring day complete with rare clear skies had passed Jo Wilson by. She was exhausted. Bone shudderingly tired and emotionally spent. A rotation on the plastics service had left her working in the burns unit and the pain and stoicism of her patients was starting to get to her.

The house was dark and quiet when she finally made it home. Whilst relieved that it wasn't another night she had to deal with a sad and needy Maggie Pierce on the sofa the whole house did feel unnaturally still. Nevertheless on unlocking the door she dragged herself up the stairs pulling slowly on the bannisters to climb to the first floor where she all but fell into the shower keen to wash away the sharp, sterile smell of the unit away.

Clean and at least a little refreshed she pulled on a t-shirt and headed to bed. Alex lay, covers partially thrown off in his sleep and his hand loosely reaching to his dresser and his phone. He stirred as she slid into the bed, careful to keep her cold feet away from his leg,

"Hey," a sleepy half- smile and a soft kiss planted carefully on her forehead as he turned slightly pulling her closer, "Any word at the hospital tonight?"

She bit down on her frustration. Alex's focus on finding his missing friend only seemed to grow as the days had gotten longer and the weeks turned into months.

"Nothing. No news. Go back to sleep." She pressed a soft kiss to his chest and closed her eyes.

It was mid June and the rain was falling relentlessly as Jo ran through the front door, magazine ineffectively held over her head.

"I swear I need to get a new umbrella," she announced as she shook her wet hair and stripped off the damp raincoat, "Alex are you here?"

She found him in the kitchen watching a pot of soup on the stove a phone in hand and a sheet of paper in front of him. Right hand continuing to scroll through his web pages he half turned to the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. She crossed over to him, took the can and pulled herself into his chest for a hug. He moved her closer with his left arm dropping a kiss in her hairline. She smiled and sank into the embrace. Even as she did so feeling the stress of the day start to fall away she was aware of him bringing the phone to his ear,

"Hi can you put me through to Dr Grey please? Surgical wing?" a pause whilst he waited and where Jo tried hard not to show her irritation, "ok thanks no. Not to worry. Bye."

He extracted himself from the hug and put the phone down with a sigh. Picking up a pen he scrawled the name of the hospital he had just rung at the bottom of a longer list and drew an angry line through it. The pen was thrown back to the counter and he went again to pick up the phone. Jo gently reached over and placed her hand over his,

"No more Alex. Not tonight please." So saying she lifted the hand to her lips kissing it gently. Her heart crumbling at how sad he looked and her inability to fix it.

Jo had been sequestered in the burns unit whilst the main Seattle firework display lit of the sky overhead. Any local or neighbourhood displays had been well finished by the time she pulled the car up in front of the dark house after another long day.

Deciding she would live without a shower she moved carefully around the darkened room until she was ready and climbed into bed next to a still Alex, the phone on top of the covers under his hand. He made no move towards her and so she lay listening to his breathing trying to work out if he was asleep. Just as she decided he was and started to lengthen her own breathing he spoke suddenly, making her jump,

"Until Izzie I always did the leaving you know?" Jo paused, shocked. She could count on one hand the number of times he had ever proactively mentioned his ex-wife.

"I didn't care about anyone when I went into the system. I left for school so fast my mom, brother and sister didn't see me for dust, and I never really looked back." he paused, apparently lost in thought whilst Jo scrabbled to keep up. She wasn't sure she had realised he had siblings.

"I don't keep in touch with anyone from college. I don't keep in touch with anyone from med school. Each time I just packed a bag and kept moving. You know this. I was all ready to walk away when Jimmy showed up. Just turned around and kept going." The pause lengthened, and Jo hummed an incompressible but hopefully positive noise to encourage him to continue.

"When Izzie left I nearly walked but Mer talked me down. I mean not really because we don't talk about real stuff back then, but she knew. She knew I was restless and she talked me down. When the papers finally came, Mer was ready to go kick her ass! but leaving was not an option." He snorted gently lost in the past,

"Then after the boards, after the plane accident I was all ready to leave. You know that right? When you first started? I was all ready to go start this great new career and then she called me out. Right there in the middle of the fricking airport. And like an idiot it got to me. So, I turned around and came straight back even when Yang had moved on. Oh, Yang - she got to go to Minneapolis and I stayed. Then even when she came back she got leave again and yet here I am. Still staying."

"I know." Jo was quiet, afraid of disturbing his train of thought and almost hypnotised by his tense, bitter voice,

"There was a time when I thought she was off to Boston but she didn't in the end. Then it was going to be Washington and a town house and a perfect family but she didn't want it. But now after all that she's gone, and I'm still here. I swear to God Jo I thought it all mattered. I thought after everything _we_ mattered but she's gone and left. Like Izzie, like O'Malley, like Yang they've all up and left and I'm still here. When did I stop being the one who left and became the one who got left behind?"

His voice cracked and Jo stunned by the raw pain behind his words and trying to not read into his parallels between his ex-wife and the still missing Meredith Grey pulled him to her chest, holding his head and rubbing his back tenderly,

"I know babe, I know. I'm here though Alex, and I'm not going anywhere."

Jo couldn't wait for the Christmas season to be over. With no childhood memories of how a family holiday should be she always felt a little like an uninvited guest or an actor who had not quite finished learning all the lines when it came to Christmas, Halloween or Thanksgiving.

This year though it was feeling like an uphill climb even without her usual antipathy.

In the burns unit she found her eyes filling with tears as the still horribly scarred JJ tried to comfort Anne with out of tune carols. On the paediatric ward she found her bottom lip annoyingly uncooperative as the long term patients squealed with joy at a visit from Santa. Pulling a shift in the clinic the poor families had her remembering tings she'd prefer not to as she treated cold, hungry homeless kids.

Home offered little relief, Robbins had made an already terrible time worse by lugging a tree into the living room and then leaving it embarrassingly unadorned with only a half string of lights. The number of attendings passing through seemed to have increased and Jo could no longer persuade her own friends to stop by; 'everyone is just so sad' Stephanie had tried to explain when pushed. Pierce seemed to have moved in and kept producing plates of cookies and never-ending bowls of strangely coloured alcoholic drinks that kept everyone not on call in a dull vaguely drunken morose state. Little Sofia had been to visit and placed, with great ceremony, a present under the tree for Zola much to the consternation of all the adults who had been there and those who had subsequently lingered and spotted the gift. It was not the only present for the missing little girl in the house. Jo has seen a bag of gifts stuffed haphazardly under an old coat in Alex' closet.

Yes, thought Jo mockingly, even in a life of terrible Christmases this one had been particularly crappy.

Still they'd made it to Christmas night and a rare evening where neither she nor Alex were on call. Robbins was at the hospital and Jo had no idea where Pierce was other than a blessed sense of relief that it was not in their house. They sat side by side, Jo lost in thought and Alex weird ice cream eggnog in one hand, ever present phone in the other. The pathetic tree lights and the glow of Alex's phone as he scrolled over Meredith's name were the only light, finger poised on the call button,

"Do you have a good Christmas memory?" his voice shocked her.

"Not really," Jo wondered if she'd sounded too abrupt, "I mean I was in a group home one year where they had a Santa come visit; a boozed-up kind of stinky Santa but still. And there was this foster placement when I was about ten where they had their own kids and just me placed with them and they tried."

He nodded thoughtfully,

"Sometimes we had a tree and dinner and stuff. But it was never a Hallmark movie type of a thing. Dad drank and mom worried when she was on her meds and was oblivious when she was off them. Izzie loved Christmas; which was annoying." He stopped his frown softening as he looked up at a slight mark the ceiling,

"When I started working in pedes I saw how much it meant to the kids it started to make sense, in a way it never really did before. Meredith's more like us than you think you know?"

Jo jumped slightly puzzled with his strange stream of consciousness. Alex noticed her confusion and clarified,

"She's not really a Christmas kind of person either. She used to say she was dark and twisty," the frown gave way to a slight smile, "now Shepherd he was all about that stuff. Big family, lots of celebratory stuff. Liked having people all around,"

"Was that because his girlfriend was basically running a hostel?" Jo couldn't help herself interjecting. He tipped his head slightly with a half smirk, but then continued,

"Bailey's old enough to be getting it now and Zola this should have been her year and I just can't shake myself from this idea that they are eating pizza rather than running round on a cookie high playing with new toys. Mer's a great mom but this Christmas those kids can't have their dad and that sucks. They should at least be in a familiar place with familiar people. If she'd stayed Yang could have come home and we'd have done something for them."

Jo frowned slightly wondering where she fitted in this vision of the Christmas that wasn't. His tone changed,

"One lousy twenty second phone call. 'I'm fine, the kids are fine'. What does that even mean? I'm so damn angry Jo!"

He threw his head back on the sofa, eyes shut.

Jo did not know what to say although not for the first time she cursed Meredith Grey and the limbo she'd placed them in.

Next year, she thought, next year if there was no more news she'd look at getting them away somewhere. Maybe her final year in a new city, maybe a jaunt abroad or even the peace core. Somewhere, anywhere, away from Meredith Grey's damn shadow.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Again assume some missing scenes from She's Left Home.

The New Year had arrived and with it the usual flurry of New Year Resolution injuries; broken bones from new fitness regimes, extreme dieters collapsing and more than one nasty set of cuts or burns as enthusiastic amateurs tried more than they could manage in the kitchen.

There was, thought Jo Wilson as she completed a set of stiches on a shame faced middle aged man who had possibly never been in a kitchen before his ill-fated attempt to make sushi, something comforting in the predictability of the cycles they saw around the hospital. But maybe she thought cynically she was just looking for comfort wherever she could find it since Meredith Grey had tipped their worlds upside down again in the first days of the New Year.

Several hours later she was still lost in her own thoughts as she blindly surveyed the OR board, not really hearing Stephanie as she approached from behind.

"You look terrible," her friend stated bluntly, "do we need to go get a drink tonight. Let it all out?"

"Can't. Got to go get Alex from the airport."

"Let him get a cab. Put him out for once."

Jo thought for a moment. A drink would be good. Sending Alex a message would be good. She had been silently seething about the phone call and his approach to it all week.

 _The phone had been answered before the second ring and she'd watched a flurry of emotions play over his face in the thirty seconds after he confirmed his name. The rare, glorious smile as he hung up. He had not even bothered to explain to her first as he'd yelled for Robbins._

 _"_ _Arizona!" he'd shouted moving to the corridor, "We've found her!"_

 _"_ _Looks like she's found you." Jo had muttered snarkily only to be ignored entirely as Alex continued,_

 _"_ _Can you cover me tonight? I'll talk to Bailey on the way to the airport."_

 _Arizona had appeared in the hallway, a bright smile on her face,_

 _"_ _Where? What?"_

 _"_ _She's in San Diego – that was the hospital there"_

 _"_ _The hospital? What's wrong"_

 _He'd laughed then,_

 _"_ _Nothing. Well nothing really. She's had a baby! Looks like it was a difficult delivery, but she is fine. The baby is fine."_

 _Jo had still been trying to do the maths on this new piece of information when Arizona changed tack,_

 _"_ _But you didn't speak to her? In that case maybe they're underselling the problems until you get there. You know how it is when telling family bad news? You don't want a nervous next of kin on a plane for hours worrying any more than they need to. Did you tell them you were a doctor? So they'd play it straight? Maybe I should come too?"_

 _Jo's eyes had widened,_

 _"_ _Alex isn't her next of kin, they probably just called the most received number on her phone or something" she'd turned to her boyfriend, "look I'm pleased she's ok but maybe you should let Pierce or Shepherd know. Surely one of her actual family ought to go to her. Assuming she's decided she actually wants to see people now."_

 _Alex had ignored the comment entirely whilst Arizona had looked almost pityingly at her,_

 _"_ _Go pack Alex. I'll get on the web and find you a flight."_

Jo snapped back to the present,

"Go on. I've not seen him in ten days another couple of hours won't hurt."

Jo had just tipped the second bottle of wine over their glasses draining it. She picked up her glass and clinked it, clumsily against the side of Stephanie's.

"Happy Fucking New Year!" She exclaimed, not for the first time since they'd slid into the corner table several hours before.

"Jo pull yourself together," Stephanie had decided it was time for some tough love, "Is she coming back here? Or is she going to stay?"

"I presume she's coming back but he's not said exactly."

"Well what has he said?" she was exasperated.

"Not a lot. Mostly by the time we talk he's tired. For the first week he'd been looking after the kids, running them around and then taking them backwards and forwards to the hospital," she sniffed, "it's not so long ago that he was trying to get out of babysitting for the weekend and now he's making lunches and doing car pool!"

"She's out of hospital now though?"

"Yes, released a couple of days ago."

"What? So they're just shacked up playing happy families?"

"Thanks for that," Jo glared at her friend, "He's been making sure she can cope. It was a difficult delivery. He's a good friend." She stressed the end of her sentence.

"Not a great boyfriend though right? Her delivery with Bailey wasn't exactly easy and she was fine."

"I said that! I was however reminded that she had Torres and Shepherd around then. I told him a week ago he should come home and send her sister out, or for that matter get one of Dr Shepherd's sisters but he said he needed to do it."

"Jo you need to talk to him. I get she's been through hell, but he needs to come home to you. He's got patients and students. And if he's not going to do that you know what you need to do."

Jo bit her lips, sadly,

"I know he can treat me like crap sometimes, but I love him Steph, and I'm going to wait this thing out. Maybe she won't come back and even if she does at some point he's going to crack. He was so worried and so angry when she was gone. There's no way that's not going to come out and then we can get back to a normal."

She drained her glass,

"I gotta get home. Thanks though." And with a resigned smile she slowly staggered off through the bar.

It was early February and Alex was driving Jo into work, a tense atmosphere in the car full of conversations still unhad as the windscreen wipers worked furiously against the streaming rain. The loud alert of a text message from Alex' phone split the silence.

"Can you check that please?" he gestured to his bag in the footwell.

Jo stretched down, thinking about how happy she would have been a few months earlier for him not to have been so attached to his phone,

"It's from Dr Grey," she announced unsurprised, "shall I leave it or open it?"

"Open please, see what she says."

Jo hit the button and looked,

"Jo?" he sounded frustrated, "what does it say?"

"It's a picture message, no words. Loads of packing boxes, Zola hiding behind a sealed stack, Bailey sitting in an open one. He's grown lots. She's pretty damn cute."

She watched as his mouth curled upwards into a slight smile but he said nothing.

"I guess this means she's moving back then?"

"Yup. She's hoping to ship by the end of this week and then I'll go back next week and bring her and the kids."

"She managed to leave fine on her own, why does she need help getting back?" Jo was aware she sounded petulant but couldn't help herself.

"She was grieving and a hot mess when she left, by all accounts with pretty much 1 big suitcase and 2 kids who walk. She's coming back with a years' worth of stuff, 3 kids including a newborn after major abdominal surgery." He paused and tried to modulate his voice which had got louder and harder, "She's nervous Jo, she needs some support. Pierce would fuss and she'd hate that and it'd stress the kids out. I think Shepherd is still pretty pissed. If we're ever going to get back to normal this needs to be as easy as possible."

He risked a glance in her direction as they slowed to a set of lights and placed a hand gently on her leg,

"I need to do this."

She nodded reluctantly.

"Shall I respond to this for you?" It was a peace offering of sorts and he took it for what it was,

"No, it's fine. Just save the photo for me please?"

Jo leaned her head against the window doing as he'd asked and then flicking through the photo roll looking through photo after photo of the Grey-Shepherds.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N With thanks to the reviewers. If I know who you are I've dropped you a line if you are a guest thanks for your feedback and support.

Jo and Alex were waiting outside their building enjoying the weak rays of sunshine. His arm was flung casually over her shoulder as she nestled her head gently into his chest. They were relaxed after a rare day off together. Jo smiled as she felt his hand work through her hair to gently massage the bottom of her neck. She felt content and loved.

"A shame we couldn't pop back to bed," she murmured melting into his half embrace. She felt, rather than saw his smile. The moment was shattered as Meredith Grey pulled up beside them honking her horn and disturbing the peace, "you know," she muttered, "when we moved out I didn't expect our mornings to quite work out like this."

It was a testament to their earlier activities and Alex' good mood that he did not respond, simply dropping a kiss to her head as he moved to the empty front passenger seat propping the back door open to allow Jo to slip into the back seat trying hard to ignore the crunch of the kids half empty snack packets under her feet.

They were several minutes away from the hospital when the sounds of multiple sirens cut through the air. All three doctors tensed, Jo spinning in her seat trying to get a sense of direction. She did not have to wait long as the first fired past them towards the hospital followed in quick succession by a second and then a third. Distant howling suggesting that there were more to come.

"What the hell?" Meredith exclaimed reaching for the car radio, "Alex find some news."

Jo rolled her eyes as Alex started to flip through radio stations. She turned her phone to the search engine and with a couple of taps had the answer.

"There's been a mass shooting at the ferryboat terminal. Reports say 2 maybe three gunmen. Police have one suspect in custody, 2 still at large." She was horrified by what she read as she continued to skim the newspapers but slightly smug that she had the answer first. She was jerked forward in her seat as Meredith braked suddenly and listened as the two doctors in the front seat started talking in sharp worried tones.

"It's past school time there are unlikely to be child casualties when we get to the hospital and you get yourself up to Pedes. They'll have increased security up there."

"You shouldn't be around this. Why don't you speak to Bailey and take the day."

To Jo's confusion they exchanged slightly bashful looks and laughed slightly. Meredith indicated and pulled the car forwards again speaking.

"Me first. Alex you should absolutely not be around this. Please?" she fluttered a hand across the console brushing his leg. Jo watched wide eyed as her boyfriend stilled his friends hand by holding it still, half resting on his thigh,

"I'm fine. The benefit of not being a deep thinker." He tilted into a half smile.

"You…"

"Now you. You attract drama like a magnet and you brood. You're broody"

"I do not brood."

"You brood and this seems like good brooding material. Shootings, ferry boats this is your kryptonite Mer. Stay away."

"I will not…"

He interrupted her again as she pulled into a parking space, shutting off the engine.

"Please? If you won't do that…"

"And I won't. I'm a surgeon. I'm going to be needed here today you know that."

"Okay then please at least don't go out there if they are looking for on site triage, and maybe make sure there is security around?"

Jo coughed from the backseat,

"Maybe we should you know. Go to work?" her tone was sharp and sarcastic as she opened the door and stalked towards the hospital earlier good mood shattered.

* * *

Several hours later Jo was scrubbed into the OR as she watched Meredith delicately extract a bullet from one of the shooting victims liver. Jo pondered the older woman, no matter how many things personally she struggled with Dr Grey she could not deny the woman's skill in the OR,

"Do you want to close Wilson?"

Jo jumped slightly watching as Meredith took a deep breath and crunched her shoulders to her ears a few times,

"Erm, sure thank you Dr Grey." She leaned forward collecting her equipment and started work concentrating hard,

"I'm sorry about this morning," Meredith was quiet, and her eyes bounced around the room unwilling to meet Jo's "I worry about him. I know you do too and I should have let you do that today and not taken over."

Jo was flabbergasted. Meredith rarely acknowledged her place in Alex' life and an apology was unheard of. She was however more than a little embarrassed that she was not quite sure what she should have done today. Reluctantly she raised her eyes slightly and said,

"Thanks you but I'm not quite sure I understood exactly."

A small wrinkle appeared between Meredith's eyes and she took a deep breath to calm herself,

"You know he was shot surely? You've seen the scar?" A gloved hand pointed towards her ribs in exactly the same places as Alex's. "It happened here at the hospital. We had a grief crazed patients husband go on a rampage here one quiet afternoon. We lost people that day Wilson, friends of April and Jackson's from Mercy West and we could have lost more. Derek was badly injured, Alex nearly bled out in a lift and Owen took a hit as well."

Jo's eyebrows shot towards her scrub cap and she stopped stitching aware her hand was shaking slightly. She took a couple of deep breaths and pulled herself together,

"I didn't know. I mean I've seen the scar and I'm not stupid I know what it is but he never wanted to talk about it. I just assumed it was a childhood thing."

Meredith looked at the younger woman with pity and avoided pointing out that she ought to know the difference between a twenty year old scar and one only a couple of years old.

"That's Alex for you. Still go easy on him today hey Wilson. He may say he's not a deep thinker but he'll be thinking," she looked at the closed incision, "good job. Let's get him up to recovery and see what's next out there."

Jo watched as she pulled off her gown and placed in the bin before heading towards the door. Waiting until Meredith had exited the room one of the scrub nurses spoke quietly,

"Dr Wilson?" she turned and nodded, "It was really terrible back then you know. Afterwards, I mean maybe six months after a TV crew came in and did a show and interviews and stuff including Dr Karev. You'd probably find it on YouTube . I mean if you wanted to?"

* * *

Jo nodded her thanks at the nurse and turned to leave.

Jo returned to the ER relieved to hear that the police had apprehended all three of the shooters and that all casualties had been triaged,

"Where do you need me?" she asked Hunt reviewing the board,

"Room three, go help Kepner she's only got one of Edwards' interns and a nurse in there at the moment."

Jo bounced down the corridor, pushing the door to the room open with her back, Kepner looked up hands covered in blood,

"Wilson. Great. This is Melissa Henshaw, she's 26, GSW to the abdomen, bullets still in there and we need to get it out. Melissa is 25 weeks pregnant and whilst the baby has not been hit I'd like Karev or one of his guys in the OR with us; we're seeing signs of foetal distress. Can you run up and grab him? I asked Spencer to page him but that might be quicker. Then come scrub in with me?"

Owen had followed Jo into the room and was listening quietly,

"Dr Spencer can you stay with the patient for a moment please? Dr Kepner a word?"

Jo and April left the room together, Owen carefully closing the door whilst positioning himself where he could see inside. Jo was about to start towards the Pedes wards when she heard Hunt,

"April you know there is a good chance that woman is going to lose that baby; it's too soon. I don't think that you should be in there for that."

Jo thought back to how quiet and sad Kepner had been after her son had died, returned,

"Sorry Sir, I could not help but overhear. Dr Grey is free we just finished up in OR2?"

"No!" Kepner's tone was strident, "I'm fine! Owen this is totally different to Samuel and anyway I'm a surgeon and that woman needs help. We'll do everything we can to help her and her baby. But," and April's voice became even firmer, "I am not asking Meredith to scrub in on this. I can't ask her to stand in _that_ OR with this woman and her baby after a shooting like today. I just won't."

Jo watched as Owen nodded reluctantly his eyes warm with understanding,

"Wilson, go find me another surgeon now!"

* * *

Jo was slumped against the side of Dr Grey's car. She had scrubbed into another surgery after Melissa's and her back and feet were screaming at her. She watched as Alex and Meredith approached quickly, heads together deep in conversation.

As Meredith moved around the drivers seat Jo took the opportunity to pull her boyfriend into a hug, hand drifting carefully over where she knew the puckered skin was,

"Who told you?" he was resigned, "Webber? He was on my case for months afterwards? Bailey – she rode my ass too."

"Hmmm," Jo was purposely non-committal, eyes briefly meeting Dr Grey's over the top of the car as the older woman slid into her seat,

"Come on you two I need my bed. And I don't love your neighbourhood in daylight let alone now."

Jo was lying, head slumped against the window, eyes shut letting the slight vibration of the car lull her into a pleasant semi sleep.

"I hear Kepner had a bit of a meltdown in the ER today?" Alex' voice was unusually tentative, "wanted to keep you away from the pregnant patient."

Meredith was non-committal, "Maybe I heard that. Still good job you with the preemie. 25 weeks - kid might just have a chance."

"Mer?"

Jo opened an eye, confused by her boyfriends tentative yet questioning tone,

"Alex?" Meredith's tone was light

"Are you okay? I mean today must have brought stuff back?"

"Alex Karev do you want to talk about feelings?"

"Dude, don't be an ass," he grumbled, "I'm just saying if you want to talk I'm here."

For several long moments the only sound was the traffic and the indicator ticking as Meredith turned off the main road,

"You know I thought it would be harder than it was," she started almost reluctantly, "When I dream about it, it's like these flashing moments. Standing up seeing the gun pointing at Cristina over Derek's body. Then flash, it's the feeling in my legs propelled me forwards, hearing rather than thinking when I told the guy to kill me," Jo swallowed a gasp in the backseat as she heard the cool, factual tones, "then flash it's the noise of the gun as Owen was hit. Then flash we're over his body and I can see April's face as she saw the blood." Jo saw Meredith ideally stroke a hand over her abdomen as Alex turned to watch her, "Flash I'm watching Bailey absolutely fall to pieces. Flash I'm across town at Derek's bedside and there's Lexie covered in blood," she lay her hand on his arm gently, "your blood. Flash, I'm screaming at this pompous attending who wouldn't let me into your OR or into the gallery. Flash I'm at the OB-GYN. Flash Cristina's bullshitting to get us into your room, Flash it's Reed's funeral. It's all flash, flash, flash. It's scary."

Alex spoke, his voice slightly croaky with emotion,

"I know Mer, I dream sometimes too." He seemed embarrassed by the admission and Jo wondered which of his sweating, screaming nightmares were related to what she had just heard.

"But today," she sounded brighter, "today I felt okay. The memories weren't any worse than the dreams and I did good work today. We did good work today. In fact," a pause as she turned into their street, "today made me realise how lucky I am."

Alex snorted,

"You are the most unlucky person I know. Bombs, shootings, drownings. Ring a bell?"

"Shut up! I don't mean that. I mean I could have lost Derek that day, but I didn't. We both lived and we got more time together. Great time together. I mean imagine, no Zola, no dream house, no Bailey or Ellis." Her voice wobbled slightly as she pulled the car to a stand still and switched the engine off. Jo kept her eyes tightly shut, "I lost our first baby that day and sure that makes me sad. I wonder who he might have been sometimes."

Jo started to feel embarrassed about what she was hearing. Despite a breakthrough of sorts earlier in the day she was sure Dr Grey would never have spoken so openly if she'd realised the occupant of the back seat was wide awake.

"He'd have been a great older brother to Zo and he'd be playing catch with Bailey and helping with Ellis, but it wasn't to be. Him not being here doesn't make me enjoy my other kids less. It makes me enjoy them more." She cleared her throat, "So I'm going to go home and wake them up and hug them til they squirm embarrassed at me, and then maybe we'll eat something really inappropriate and just enjoy being together."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"I will be," her tone changed and became more flippant, "listen to wise Widow Grey."

He snorted again,

"Really? You're going with that? Widow Grey?"

"I am." She was unapologetic, "Take your girl home and hold her and be grateful you have her, that you have time. Hell have sex all night long just don't make me listen to it or about it." A change in volume, "Wilson, wake up end of the line!"

Jo opened her eyes and stretched theatrically,

"Thanks Dr Grey. Night."

"Night Mer, and…"

Alex's words were drowned out by the sound of the engine starting and the auto-locks being engaged as she pulled away waving. He threw his arm around Jo pulling her close,

"Lets go to bed."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N This takes place mid Season 12, episode 5 "Look Who's Coming to Dinner".

Alex Karev watched in horror as his best friend screamed at her sister in law. She stood, shaking with rage as Owen bundled a shaken Amelia out of the room. Through the open door he heard a murmur from the nursery down the hall,

"I'll go," he stood quickly, "Go wash your face and take a minute."

"I need to…" she started as she headed towards the open door.

"Shhh," he tried to calm her, "they'll be upset if they see you like this. Go freshen up. Please."

He was relieved to see her turn to the bathroom as he paced through the door.

A quick peek into Zola's room and he saw she was fast asleep unaware of the pain and confusion of the night. In the second bedroom however Bailey was sitting up bed, a quivering lip shaking in the dim light of the toadstool nightlight. In the crib Elllis snuffled and moved restlessly.

Alex took a deep breath, and spoke quietly hoping the baby wouldn't stir anymore,

"Hey buddy. Did you wake up?"

"Alex," The little boy gave a nervous smile, "Mommy shouting. Aunt 'Melia's crying." His little lip quavered again.

"Hey, no tears little man." Alex sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed the shaking shoulders,

"Mommy's fine. Your Aunt is fine." He paused, he was a paediatric surgeon and he did not like to lie to kids, "well they will be." He paused and smiled confidently at the bright blue eyes staring up at him, filmed in tears, "You know how sometimes at the end of the day at day care you are really tired and don't want to play anymore? And maybe there's a new kid you aren't sure of and, so you want your friends to just be quiet and go away? It's a bit like that. Its been a busy day and we had a party and now mommy just wants to rest and be quiet. So she got angry. She'll be fine."

"Your promise?"

"I promise." Alex wasn't sure if he was promising himself or the little boy, "the best thing you can do is get to sleep so you don't wake your sister. Then I'll take mommy a drink and get all these people out the house so she can have a nice sleep too." The little boy flung himself into Alex's side for a hug, "you think you can do that?"

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

Alex rubbed a palm over his forehead,

"Don't know buddy. Maybe. But I will be here on the weekend for sure and I can come see you tomorrow in the Daycare Centre and we can hang out. Now you need a drink or a story? Or are you good to lie down and sleep."

The little boy smiled and hugged in tighter,

"I sleep. But Alex?"

"What Bailey?"

A little hand pointed at the crib as he lay down tucking himself into the covers. Alex turned and found an identical pair of blue eyes staring out at him through the bars,

"Oh Ellis," Alex could not help but smile at the serious little girl watching him carefully. He pulled the covers more tightly around Bailey and gently rubbed the messy hair,

"Night bud," he turned to the little girl, "what about you hey? Are you going to be good and go back to sleep?"

She grinned up at him and flung her arms up.

"I'll take that as a not quite yet then shall I?" He was stoic as he picked the little girl up, almost unconsciously smelling her soft baby smell as she tucked herself into his neck. He sat down in Meredith's nursing chair and rocked gently murmuring nonsense at the baby.

After several minutes it became clear she wasn't going to settle, and he wondered what to do. Leaving her was likely to result in wails that would wake the now slumbering Bailey and taking her to Meredith also seemed fraught with a high risk of tears from both mother and daughter. Setting his jaw he stood up, resting the little girl on his arm and covering her eyes with a hand as he got ready to open the door to the lit hallway,

"Okay kiddo, a snack it is. But then you gotta get back to sleep, I need to check on your mommy."

Downstairs a sombre Jo Wilson listened to her boyfriend chat away to the youngest Grey-Shepherds on the baby monitor propped up on the small desk in the study come playroom. If possible the night had gone even worse than she had imagined it could have and all she really wanted to do was go home. Away from the attendings, away from the Chief, away from Stephanie. Listening to the sounds of Alex retreating from the room and the careful creak on the stairs she imagined the only way that was happening any time soon was if she went home alone and pride currently injured under Stephanie's knowing glance was not going to let her do that,

She stood in the doorway,

"Alex?" she hissed,

"Not now Jo," he was quiet in deference to the little one in his arms, "I need to sort this."

"I get that. But… I heard…" she struggled to get the words out as she gestured to the baby monitor. Alex paused unconsciously rocking the little girl gently,

"You heard what?"

"What you said to Bailey. Are you staying here tonight?" she tried hard not to sound desperate and needy.

He looked at her with tired eyes,

"I'll tell you what I told him. I don't know. Did you not see the shit storm that just went down? Did you not hear what went on up there? Between them." He waited a beat, tone now full of recrimination, "She tried to tell me earlier you know, when I fixed her finger but I interrupted. I'm a moron."

He turned away into the empty family room and headed towards the clean up operation in the kitchen. He opened the fridge door studiously ignoring the silence that had fallen and selected a small bottle of milk. He checked the date Meredith had scrawled on it and closed the door.

"Kepner could you…" he handed the bottle to the woman working at the sink, "just take the edge of the cold off it. She prefers it that way."

Jackson let out a quick guffaw of laughter as he turned watching Alex grab a full bottle of tequila from the dresser, before turning back to April fingers splayed for her to add the baby's bottle,

"I'm no expert Karev," he started feeling April stiffen next to him, "but I'm not quite sure that's how you take the edge off a baby's bottle, even a kid belonging to Meredith Grey." A head tilt to his hand.

"Don't be a smart-ass Avery. I am not in the mood." Alex's eyes flashed even as his tone remained calm.

"Give me the baby Karev." The Chief held her arms out. "I'll feed Ellis."

"No need Chief."

"Karev," there was a warning in the tone, "give me the baby and I'll get her settled with this while you go," a pause, as she eyed the bottle of tequila suspiciously, "keep an eye on Grey."

"There's a nursing chair at the end of the crib. The night lights on but be careful of the hall light when you open the door 'cos' Bailey's only just gone back to sleep. I'll pop by when I can." He handed over his precious cargo who whimpered slightly reaching a small hand out against Alex' chin, "Thank you." He looked around the room, "any sign of Pierce yet?"

He huffed as he saw the heads shake and set off back up the stairs without a second glance at Jo.

He opened the door to Meredith's room gingerly, not quite sure what to expect. To his relief, she seemed calmer although where he had hoped she might have been tucked up in bed and maybe even sleeping she had dragged some of the bed covers to the floor and was propped up against the dresser staring into space. He deposited the bottle next to her bare foot,

"They're fine," he was quick to reassure her, "Bailey woke but is fast asleep again no issues. Little Miss Ellis is a tad trickier but is having a little snack and she'll be out like a light." He put a hand to her shoulder as she went to stand a questioning look pointed in his direction, "Its fine. She's with Bailey. I mean the Chief has her. She'll be more than fine."

He lowered himself to the floor opposite her and waited.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N – This belongs somewhere around episode 11 of season 12.

"I'm so fed up of Meredith Grey!", Jo Wilson slammed the door to the rest room hard,

"I need to change scrubs and to be honest I'm bored of this now. The woman's had a terrible couple of months and from what I can tell she sent your boyfriend home to you you can't possibly be jealous?" Stephanie's tone was disgusted, "I was in that trauma room – you didn't see what I saw. What the hell is your issue?" She stopped and pulled her hand through messy curls, "In fact don't tell me I don't want to know."

Jo huffed and spun to Penny Blake who was starting to quietly withdraw,

"No you don't. Look I'm just fed up of her undermining me all the time. She interrupted me three times on rounds this morning and then I just heard her being mean about me to Alex while eh just stood their and listened."

Stephanie was drawn in despite herself,

"For God's sake she's a teacher. She's supposed to interrupt and let your interns learn. And as for Alex he should have told her where to get off if she was being mean about you to him. Blame him for not sticking up for you as much as her for whatever she said."

Penny watched Jo's jaw tense with anger and spoke quietly,

"What exactly did she say?"

"Oh what did she say?" Jo raised her voice, "she was standing at the nurses station chatting away about me and Alex in front of everyone. Hell, Webber was there. She told him, and I paraphrase, he needed to 'sort his crap out," she effectively mimicked Meredith's occasionally lilting slightly lispy delivery, "that we couldn't carry on in limbo and I was nothing more than a post-it! A post-it!" Jo was bellowing, "like after all the years and everything we're some sort of scrap paper that just floats away! How dare she!"

Stephanie and Penny eyed each other unsure what to say to calm their peer down. Their thinking was disturbed by a deep laugh from one of the cubicles. The toilet flushed and the door swung open to show an obviously amused Callie Torres,

"Children, children," she started, sparing a small smile at her girlfriend, "did you learn nothing at high school. Always check the cubicles before bitching about someone. Now," she turned to Edwards and Blake, "you two scram. It's time Dr Wilson here heard some things."

Stephanie and Penny looked sympathetically towards Jo who was crimson in an embarrassed rage.

"Wilson. You need to calm down and stop flying off the handle. Meredith wasn't being mean. In fact quite the opposite."

Jo stuttered slightly, "I know she's your friend but she described me as a sticky note, Dr Torres. That's pretty crappy."

Calllie sighed and decided to try a different approach,

"Have you ever been in Mer's bedroom. Either the dream house or now?"

"No," Jo was sarcastic, "When Dr Grey and I visit in the middle of the night she's prefers to come to me and then kick me out of my bed. I don't go to her."

"Hush," Callie wasn't willing to be interrupted, "Meredith and Derek they were something special. Even in the really early days when everything was confused and messy you could tell they had something about them. After lord knows how many upsets and dramas he proposed. She said yes and hadn't panicked _too_ much," Callie raised an eyebrow at Jo in a way that suggested that she knew about the ring currently in her bedside dresser, "but Izzie was sick and no one was really very sure she could make it. So Meredith let her organise and then when it came down to it they gave wedding away to Alex and Izzie. The flowers, the cake, the food, the dresses, the guests. Everything"

"I don't really need to hear about this."

"No, I think you do. You think you don't like Izzie because she married your man and then nearly broke him. But that was way before you. Me? She slept with my husband and broke up my marriage. You don't get to do all the hating," Callie smiled as she Jo's eyes widened with shock, "You are not going to distract me with the Callie O'Malley period."

"The what?" Jo sputtered,

"I said hush," Callie reprimanded, "Anyway after Meredith had done her best man gig for Alex she and Derek tried to run off and marry quietly lie they'd always wanted but that didn't quite go their way either so in the end they sat together in the locker rooms and made a commitment to each other. A set of vows really and they wrote them on a post it note. Promises of how their lives were going be. How they'd look after each other. After that they insisted to anyone that they were married and didn't actually bother to get the good state of Washington involved until much later. The post-it is carefully framed in Mer's room, where it's been since they wrote it together."

Jo leaned against the sinks trying to process what Callie was saying,

"I don't understand." Jo was quiet

"When Mer says that you are Alex's post -it she means the real deal. She means you are his forever. She means she supports you together. It's a huge deal for her to say that." Callie took on a sterner tone, "and you certainly shouldn't be going around cursing her for it in bathrooms."

She touched the resident on her shoulder,

"Look Wilson, Mer takes time to warm to people and she can be off putting sometimes but if she's saying that about you know she means it. Now can I suggest you stop sulking in the toilets and go and see what damage your intern might have done while you've been gone?"

* * *

Jo curled into Alex' chest later that night as they lay in bed,

"About the ring?" she started nervously,

"Go on." He was equally unsure

"I heard you and Dr Grey today. I heard what she said about us,"

"Let me explain." Alex interrupted the wounds of their last argument about Meredith too raw to imagine starting again,

"No you don't need to. I just, why can't we have a post-it? Why does it have to be rings and flowers and guests lists?" Jo closed her eyes, urging the words out,

"Is that what you want?" he was uncertain, "you don't want to get married?"

"No…I…look I want to be with you. I want to be yours. I just don't feel like marriage is right for us." She winced slightly, feeling like a fraud, "I feel committed. You say you are. Why not have our own promise that we're enough for each other. I don't have a mother of the bride to go dress shopping with or a dad to give me away. Your best friend a woman whose already been your best man once," Alex jolted shocked. She continued, "we're not white wedding people why not just enjoy what we have here." Embarrassed with her half truths she kissed his chest and curled in tighter signalling an end to the conversation.

Alex pulled her close and stared up at the ceiling wondering if that would be enough.


	11. Chapter 11

"The problem with the interns and residents we have today is that they have appalling bedside manners." Meredith Grey complained as pulled through the barriers into the hospital staff parking lot.

"I'm not sure that's the only problem with the interns." Amelia retorted from her space in the passenger seat,  
"This used to be a great teaching hospital," Meredith continued as though her sister in law hadn't spoken, "we were rotated through all sorts of specialities, we ran scut,"

"Lots of scut." Alex piped up form the backseat. Meredith, eyes crinkling with humour met his eyes in her mirror and continued,

"Some of us more than others hey Alex? But no, we ran serious scut, we sewed lacerations in the clinic, we did enemas. We learned to listen to patients. We honed the quick-thinking skills you need in an OR down there and in the ER. This lot today they don't have that. Yesterday I had to step in twice with residents, not even interns saying the wrong things to patients families and did you hear about the problems Maggie had last week with Cross?"

Jo Wilson sat in the backseat quietly livid as she watched her boyfriend nod along with Meredith. She elbowed him sharply as the engine was switched off. He shrugged at her as she pointed at herself with an angry finger.

"We hated it though Mer," He tuned away from Jo's charades and started to get out of the car, "we'd do anything to get away and up into surgery."

"Exactly!" Meredith sounded triumphant although Jo wasn't quite sure why, "we hated lots of things about intern year and our first years of residency but they made us better doctors. I'm going to talk to Webber. If the interns and residents all did a shift or two there maybe we could open an extra day. I mean Izzie's money was never going to last forever."

Amelia looked surprised,

"Izzie? Your friend Izzie?"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Alex was uncomfortable as they walked through the front doors together,

"Yes. Well Izzie who started with us. I'd not say friend since she packed up and ran for the hills." Meredith's tone stung with the remembered rejection,

"Izzie Stevens?" Bailey fell into step with the group as they headed towards the locker rooms, "There's a blast from the past."

"I said do we have to talk about this?" Alex was more vehement with his second effort.

"Why are we talking about Izzie Stevens?" the chief ignored Alex as he muttered,

"We weren't." Alex made a last ditch attempt to close the conversation down.

"We were talking about the clinic." Meredith continued as if he hadn't spoken, "I was saying it's a shame the surgical interns and residents don't typically spend time there anymore. It was a…." she stopped for a second, "useful learning tool."

"I loved it down there." Bailey paused at the door reminiscing, "We did good work there. I think you might just have a point Grey." She stopped looking around at the surgeons surrounding her, "Wilson!"

Jo startled to find the patented Miranda Bailey stare bearing down on her, "Go grab two interns. I don't care which and meet me in the clinic in ten minutes." A pause, "What are you waiting for? Go!" A second pause as she watched Jo scuttle off without another word. She turned on the other three, "And you three. No patients to see? You can come with me if you want?"

She smirked as all three made hurried excuses heading into the attendings lounge.

Several hours later a harried Jo Wilson headed back to the Chief who was standing a rare smile on her face chatting with one of the nurses,

"Wilson!" she called, "this was a great idea. Isn't this fun. Seeing patients, practicing medicine. Helping people in need."

Jo frowned, "I was seeing patients yesterday. Yesterday I didn't have to change my clothes three times because I'd been thrown up on."

"Oh live a little Wilson!" Bailey laughed, flipping through her phone. She glanced at the younger doctor, her tone turning serious, "I would have thought Dr Wilson, with your early history you might have appreciated being able to help those without appropriate insurance or the means to help themselves."

Jo took the scolding for what it was,

"Dr Bailey?" she was apprehensive, "Can I ask why did Dr Grey and Dr Shepherd mention Dr Stevens when talking about the clinic this morning?

Bailey was surprised,

"She provided the first chunk of funding for it. Just shy of £8.5 million dollars in the end. Let me get the plans approved and the place opened."

Jo goggled at her boss, "I always assumed it was named after a rich old guy."

"Not at all. Denny was not old," Miranda smiled softly lost in thought, "a long term heart patient. A lovely kind man. Caused me no end of issues but a good guy." She looked at Jo who was as confused as when the day had started,

"Stephens was one of his doctors. They got close. Too close. Gave me all sorts of issues but anyway in the end they got engaged," she looked sympathetically at Jo, "this was before she and Karev. Well more truthfully it was between times with her and Karev, but that's a different conversation and one I am not having with you. They got engaged and then he died. His father insisted Izzie have the money and she couldn't stand it. Sat on for weeks until in the end she founded this place. A fitting memorial."

She stopped lost in thought as she remembered the awful night Danny had died. Izzie spitting out the truth of what she had done, what the others had done everything they could to protect her from. She herself frozen next to the Chief as they both watched them take that slow steady walk down the stairs to the lobby. If she had not known before that this group of interns was different she had then as she had watched the two men fall into step behind the distraught young woman. She quirked a smile as she thought about poor lost O'Malley and how far Karev had come in the intervening years.

She looked carefully at Wilson,

"I was disappointed in Stephens when she left. She could have been a great doctor and they'd all fought so hard for her; When Denny died, when she got sick, left. It's why I was surprised to hear her name this morning. Still it's all worked out in the end. That's the thing about training interns Wilson. You give them what you can but they'll make mistakes anyway. They'll do their own thing. Make foolish choices. Your job is to train them. To ground them and then step back and let them fly. If you're really lucky you get a Yang or a Grey who'll win awards or an O'Malley or a Karev who defy all expectations and does something extraordinary."

She shook her head slightly, surprised at what she had just confessed to,

"Go on then Wilson. Go grab one an intern and train them. There are patients waiting."


	12. Chapter 12

"Absolutely not." Jo Wilson was standing on the gantry over the hospital lobby, "I said after last time that I was not going to go to another party with your friends."

"I know, I know." Alex was conciliatory as he looked out, "but this is different."

"How?" Jo was forthright, "It's dinner, at Dr Grey's, with the attendings. Sounds exactly like last time."

"Blake's not invited." Alex tried for humour and failed, "Look I know last time was shitty but,"

"No buts Alex. It was awful. Even if I forget about you ignoring me all night before leaving me alone for over an hour while you necked tequila in a bedroom with the supposed hostess,"

"Mer had…" he interrupted,

"No you don't need to explain! I know all the reasons why it was worse for her but that's why I'm saying even if you ignore that part of it, it was still a beyond crappy night for me. No one spoke to me, I got demoted from chopping to trash and I had a row with my best friend. Your friends are my bosses they don't want me around while they're getting drunk or having marital dramas and to be honest I don't want to be around it either. So, no. You go and have fun and I'll enjoy an early night. Sleep is a resident's friend."

"You know I'm not keen to relive a night like that one either you know. Free food and drink alone wouldn't be enough to have me signing up for this again"

Jo rolled her eyes not really believing him,

"Well why are you then?"

"Honestly, because Arizona asked. This is her idea and she is like a dog with a bone. There's no way I'm getting out of it so a bit of moral support wouldn't go amiss."

She stopped and looked at him incredulously,

"Moral support? Really?"

He had the sense to look embarrassed,

"I'm not going to beg. I'd just really like it if you came. I promise we'll leave whenever you're ready. Just come with me while we show our faces for a while," she bit her lip and he hurried on, "please babe. At least think about it." He kissed her quickly and headed off before she could say anything else.

Against her better judgment Jo turned the handle to the Grey house later that evening. She stood in the doorway trying to get a sense of what might be happening. To her surprise Alex and Arizona were sitting on the sofa with Zola and Sofia between them, a large photo album spread across their knees and smiles on their young faces. Jackson and Callie lingered in the doorway between the room and the kitchen and there was no sign at all of the hostess.

Jo muttered a greeting and headed to the kitchen,

"What's going on?" she asked as she opened the fridge surveying its contents, "Where is Dr Grey?"

"Upstairs. Said she had to put the little ones to bed but I went up a while ago and she was chatting to Yang." Callie's tone was deadpan but her eyes seemed blood shot.

"Okay." Jo took in the slightly strange atmosphere. She sipped on her drink and watched her boyfriend exchange smiles with his one-time mentor over the top of the children's heads. The front door opened again as Owen Hunt joined the group,

"For the record I think this is a terrible idea." He announced as he passed the group on the way to the kitchen.

"I agree." Jackson joined him at the fridge as the two men opened bottles of beer.

"Arizona wanted…" Callie began uncertainly.

"Where is Meredith?" Owen interrupted, "Did she show at all?"

"Of course she did. It's her house," Callie continued, "she's upstairs on the phone to Cristina."

"That makes sense I guess." He nodded reluctantly and leaned against the wall. "Do I need to do something about food?"

"There's a Thai on its way for once the girls go to bed," Callie smiled fondly at her daughter, "if they go to bed. They're pretty wound up."

The conversation paused, and Jo shifted uncomfortably. There was a very odd atmosphere. She watched as Meredith joined the group in the living room, her face slightly puffy. She carried with her a large navy album which she took to the sofa. She perched, very close to Alex' side Jo noticed, and leaned over to hold her daughter's hand."

Jo wandered to the kitchen listening to the ebb and flow of conversation as she stared out of the window. She jumped slightly as she felt her boyfriend slip his arms around her and gently kiss her neck,

"You came." Another kiss, "Thank you."

"What's going on Alex? It feels weird here right now. It looks like Torres has been crying and maybe Grey as well."

She felt him breathe in deeply,

"It would have been Mark Sloan's birthday today," he stopped, "he was Sofia's dad. He died..."

"In the plane crash," Jo interrupted, "I remember."

"Yeah well, Arizona thought it would be good for Callie and Sofia to… I don't know, do something, so here we all are."

Jo stopped,

"Why are they _here_ though?"

Alex took another deep breath,

"It's kind of twisted. I mean it's typical Grey-Sloan stuff."

"Try me." She was desperate to hear what he'd say,

"Okay. I guess Callie wanted to include Mer because Derek and Mark were best friends. Like they grew up together. I mean they had a rough patch when Derek's first wife had an affair with Mark but mostly they were like brothers. Plus, he was super into Lexie, Meredith's sister. Mer likes for the kids to hear about Shepherd and this is easier than trekking across the country to the rest of his family."

Jo nodded letting his words fill in some of the gaps of her knowledge,

"Why Jackson?"

"Oh Jackson and Sloan were tight. Everything Jackson knows is because Sloan taught him. Bastard wouldn't teach me." There was no malice in Alex' tone despite his words, "I wanted an easy life in plastics once upon a time. And he was not supportive."

"Probably because he thought you wanted Addison." Meredith joined them.

Alex glared at her and Jo look puzzled,

"Addison?"

"Derek's first wife." Meredith was mockingly factual, "Alex went there."

"I did not. Well not really." Alex tried to defend himself to Meredith's amusement, "Are you being an ass because you have people in your house and you want to be alone or are you just being an ass?"

"Well, I would like dinner." Meredith looked pointedly at her friend before moving off back towards her daughter whilst Jo rolled her eyes. It was very easy to feel invisible when the two friends started chatting.

"Alex?" Zola called from the sofa, "Can you read a story with us?"

Jo was pleased to see Alex turn and check with her,

"Do you mind staying a little while longer. We should probably wait for the food at least?" seeing the nod he called back, "sure I will so long as I get to pick."

"But Alex!" two pleading voices called out and he grinned at them,

"I read, my rules."

Jo sat on the sofa. Arizona, Callie, Meredith and Alex were upstairs finishing bedtime for the two little girls whilst Jackson and Owen pulled out plates and drinks to go with the take out which had just arrived. Not for the first time when spending her social time with the attendings Jo felt horribly out of place.

Not really playing attention, she opened the navy album and flicked carelessly through the pages. She blinked suddenly as she realised she was looking at a picture of a young Alex and Meredith in Joe's bar, tequila bottle in front of them, eyes bleary. She turned the page to see a side profile of a younger but perfectly quaffed Derek Shepherd dressed in a tuxedo staring into the distance. She flipped the page again desperate to see more. In a perfectly posed photo was Meredith and Yang flanked by a smaller man with terrible early 2000's hair and a perky blond woman, each of them with a NICU incubator containing tiny babies in front of them. Off to the side stood Alex. She took a deep breath. Was this the infamous Izzie? Almost without thinking she ran her finger gently over the picture of Alex. He was smiling slightly for the camera but his eyes looked sad.

"They were quints." Jo jumped as Meredith came alongside her, "Four of them made it in the end which was pretty impressive all told." She smiled, "We look so young. We were so young."

She looked at the younger woman staring at the younger Alex,

"He was an absolute ass back then. I mean really a terrible person," she took over responsibility for the album turning the pages pausing occasionally as Jo saw a short haired Alex apparently asleep on the kitchen table, surrounded by books and papers. The flipping continued again until she stopped once more at a photo of her and Cristina mid dance hair flailing around them; Yang on a sofa, Meredith in mid-air as she jumped; the carnage of a party mid flow around them.

Meredith idlily turned pages pausing again at a large picture half way through the album,

"But then slowly it happened until he wasn't. Now he's one of the best." Jo stared at the candid photo Meredith had stopped at. It showed Alex, unloading a bus of small children and confused looking adults aided by a selection of familiar and unfamiliar faces,

"This is my first proper picture of Zola," Meredith nodded to the baby wrapped in a coloured blanked, gripping Alex' shoulder, "I wasn't there that night but I got this later from one of the nurses."

She relinquished the album back to Jo,

"This is a family album Wilson. For all of the damaged people and disaster this," she gestured loosely to the kitchen where Owen was laying out food, "it's family."

She headed back to the kitchen leaving Jo wondering, as she often did when Meredith spoke to her, whether that had been a warning or an invitation.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Thank you so much for the comments and reads. This started as a couple of random scenes and has grown into something bigger I appreciate the support.

Assume this part comes some time after Season 12, Episode 14 and Meredith's and Jo's heart to heart.

Jo Wilson groaned as she sank into a seat in the cafeteria next to her boyfriend who was tapping away on his phone.

"I'm so sore. Orthopaedics is harder than it looks you know? I swear I almost popped something out of its socket trying to help my last patient. Keep this up and I'll have to join a gym."

"Nah you just need more cardio." he smirked cheekily and waggled his eyebrows at her.

She snorted and was about to respond when she was distracted by Meredith Grey who was moving at great speed and with apparent purpose towards their table,

"Alex! You need to answer your damned texts!" her frustration was obvious. She took a deep breath and apparently trying nodded at Jo, "Wilson."

"Afternoon Dr Grey." Jo nodded back.

"Sorry I was just responding now." He held the phone towards his friend who waved it away,

"Never mind that. We need to talk."

"Sit down then. Talk. But I've just come out of five hours of surgery with Kepner and I need food."

Meredith shifted her weight from foot to foot and glanced pointedly at Jo, who started to gather her lunch back onto the tray. The younger woman was surprised to feel Alex's hand still her arm and he met her eyes with a warm look,

"Jo's been rushed off her feet all day too. I'm good to talk here. Are you?" his tone was pointed,

Meredith pursed her lips slightly but pulled out a chair, rubbing an eye tiredly,

"Ok then."

A pause followed as she tapped her nails against the table,

"Mer?" Alex was starting to become concerned.

"Did you not think to tell people when you moved out of the house?" Both Alex and Jo looked confused at this strange starting point, "I mean the last time when you moved to the crack den you call home now."

Jo bristled slightly. She knew their neighbourhood was less than ideal, but she'd worked hard to make their loft welcoming and homey. Apparently unaware or uninterested in the offense she had caused Meredith continued,

"Well I guess I mean any of the times. You've spent years moving in and out of my house. Have you ever bothered to tell people where you were at a given point? Or was it just assumed that I'd point people in your direction wherever that happened to be. Normal people do cards or at least message people so they know where to find them, but you just assume people can rock up to my house and I'll sort it…"

"Woah," Alex held his hand up gently, "Slow down you are rambling and making zero sense. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

Meredith continued as if she had not heard him,

"I mean there was the crazy girlfriend who tried to kill herself in my kitchen."

"Water under the bridge. Get to your point."

"I mean even when your brother turned up Derek and Lexie managed the tough bit,"

Alex flinched slightly, purposely ignoring Jo's questioning looks,

"They had to. You were camped out in my bathroom while I tried to get a shower freaking out at me about having kids. I mean now look at you, proud mom of three" he paused and tilted his head slightly, " **my** point - it was a very long time ago. Now what the hell is **yours**?"

Jo's eyes were wide as she watched the pair. Meredith set her jaw,

"My point? My point is that your sister showed up as I was arriving home from a very long shift. I've had to leave her making chit chat with Maggie and who knows how that could end up! My point is that your niece is currently in my living room playing with my son. My point Alex, my point is that maybe your sister should know where you live?"

Jo bit her lip trying not to jump in and say something she would regret watched as Alex recovered from his shock,

"Amber? Amber is here?" A pause as he watched Meredith nod, "And she's got a kid? I have a niece? Are you sure it's her?"

"Oh it's her aright." Meredith apparently calmer smiled at him, "She remains 100% Karev."

He looked at her suspiciously,

"What do you mean? Is she ok?"

"She's fine Alex. They both are. This is **not** like Aaron. They're healthy and well. That said I do think you should come home and see them, she's only here today. I was already on the paediatric floor and the new attending said she'd cover for you if you needed to clock off. You just need to text her. One of the residents is sorting your post-ops."

Jo felt a pang at both the causal 'home' as she watched the two lock eyes continuing their conversation without words. Apparently, they reached a consensus,

"Okay thanks." He held out his hand, "Did you say you'd been here all night? Give me your keys and I'll drive. Jo can take mine later. Right?" he turned to Jo with raised brows,

"Would you not rather do this at our place? I can get a cab home and you can drop Dr Grey now? Leave her car for later."

Alex and Meredith exchanged a quick glance, "That's kind Jo but I'd rather do this at Mer's."

Jo could not help herself,

"Of course you would. It's _home_ right?"

Alex sighed,

"No. Yes. Well not really. But Mer and Pierce are there to run interference. And Amber's been there once before. Look she's had a kid and I didn't even know. If being around Bailey means she and I can talk then that works."

"I didn't even know your sisters name. I wasn't a hundred percent sure you had a sister," Jo's tone was resentful.

"Because I's got nothing to do with you. It's been a long time."

"Nothing to do with me?" she was incredulous. She couldn't believe he was making the same mistake again, "I guess not, I don't know her. She doesn't know me. You and Dr Grey and she can hang out together. What do I matter?"

"Not now Jo please?" He sounded desperate and Meredith looked embarrassed.

Jo stopped. There were hundreds of retorts she wanted to throw his way, but they were still on somewhat uncertain ground,

"Ok. Fine. Go." She packed up the remainder of his lunch onto her tray watching the two friends head quickly towards the exit without a second glance back in her direction.

* * *

It was dark as Jo pulled up in front of Dr Grey's house. To her disappointment she had not heard from Alex all day despite having spent the day nervously checking her phone. At the end of her shift she had headed home hoping to find him, and maybe even his sister and niece there but the loft had been cold and dark. She'd been grilling a cheese sandwich when the phone did light up. The message from Meredith had confused her,

 _Amber and Lily have left. Alex here. Think you should come to him._

She stood on the porch trying to pull her thoughts together. She was angry and hurt Alex had not been in touch and did not quite know what to think of Dr Grey being the one to reach out to her. They may have recently come to a sort of understanding but it was decidedly out of character. Before she was ready the door swung open and the eldest of the Shepherd-Greys stood in front of her, dancing on the tips of her onesie clad toes, a large grin across her face,

"Hi Jo!" she half sang, "Mommy said I could open the door because she knew it was you. She was watching you sit in the car. She's on the couch," the little girl lowered her voice to deliver a quiet confidence, "after Lily left – she's cute by the way. Anyway after that Mom and Alex have been drinking! It's why I am still up!"

"But you are going to bed now," Maggie Pierce gave Jo a tired smile as she came behind her niece, "and it's nice to invite guests in ZoZo. Night Wilson."

"Night Jo," the little girl waved as she ran into the living room leaving a confused Jo in the entrance way, "night mommy! Auntie Maggie said she'd read me a story!"

Jo hovered near the doorway watching mother and daughter kiss goodnight. Meredith was curled in the corner of her L shaped sofa, wine glass in hand, baby monitor next to her. There was no sign of Alex anywhere. Meredith looked up and smiled,

"Hey Wilson," she paused, "Jo. Grab yourself a glass if you want. You're not on call tonight are you?"

Jo nodded and headed towards the kitchen,

"Where's Alex?"

Meredith smiled,

"He said he was putting Bailey to bed," she held up a finger and gave a half smile that made Jo realise Zola has been telling the truth and her mother was quite tipsy, "but I haven't heard them in the nursery, so I conclude that they are asleep in one of the other rooms."

"Do you mind if I check?"

Meredith nodded an affirmative as she levered herself up and followed Jo up the stairs,

"I reckon his room is most likely," she pushed at the slightly ajar door noticing Jo's confused look she tried to explain, "I mean his room when we were all here. Not his room when you two lived here. That's my room. Look."

Jo peaked in around the door. Lying on the bed, one arm over his head was Alex, who was breathing deeply and easily in his sleep. Nestled into his chest was the little blond head of Bailey, also fast asleep; one small and curled into Alex' t shirt the other splayed over the book they had obviously been reading. Meredith smiled softly and warmly at the two on the bed. She pulled a comforter from the bottom of the bed and gently lay it over Alex's legs and lower body, tucking it carefully around her slumbering son.

"I say leave them for now. Let's you and I have a chat."

Despite the softer than usual tone Jo heard it for the order it was and reluctantly turned to follow Meredith back down the stairs a final tender glance at her boyfriend.

Meredith returned to her original spot on the sofa and encouraged Jo to sit. She paused and waited half smiling to herself as the younger woman perched still and uncomfortable,

"Make yourself comfortable Jo."

Jo startled, she really was not used to Meredith Grey using her first name. Meredith noticed and smiled,

"Sorry you don't mind? Look you have questions and Alex isn't always." She paused looking for the right words, "the thing about Alex is he cares. More than he'd like people to know. But he's not great at using his words. Not really. Anyway, he wants you to understand but he's worried he'll mess it up if he tries. We know how that goes right? You both ending up saying something that can't be taken back – like earlier," She paused, watching the emotions play over Jo's face, "So we thought, maybe, I could help."

Jo silently seethed. Logically she knew that Meredith was trying to respect her and her relationship post their frank conversation and that Alex was desperate to avoid another angry set of words but that emotionally she felt horribly excluded. She could not help but imagine the two of them curled up on the sofa, wine in hand, their comfortable conversational shorthand covering all sorts of difficult topics of which she was apparently one. Meredith watched quietly guessing what Jo was thinking,

"That did not come out right. It's just we were talking today after Amber left and he told me he hadn't talked to you about them. He's embarrassed about some of his choices and he's afraid they'll hurt you."

"That's probably a conversation I should have with him."

"Probably. But he's asleep," Meredith paused and took a quick mouthful of wine whilst Jo wondered if she'd waited to send the message until she knew he would be, "and I'm awake and here and have permission to talk so….". She leaned over and topped up Jo's wineglass and started talking, "The first I knew about his brother was when he turned up on the doorstep; no insurance and a hell of a hernia. We persuaded Bailey to do the op pro-bono and then he was gone but not before there had been punches thrown and they'd both said some stuff they probably regretted."

Jo nodded, thinking furiously. Meredith continued,

"He mentioned them a little bit after that and I know he was sending money but that was that. Then when Aaron was diagnosed?" she paused to see if this sounded familiar to her now eager audience who shook her head in the negative,

"Schizophrenia same as their mom." Meredith voice briefly broke from her soft 'mom voice' and into doctor mode, "He attacked Amber. Alex drove all the way to make sure he was somewhere secure and then back here again for work." She smiled fondly, "Idiot didn't tell anyone and did it all on his own."

"What about Amber?" Jo was drawn into the story despite herself,

"The story didn't come out til much later. Alex got her settled with an Aunt while she finished high school. Sent money for his mom's medication and to Amber when he could. She'd call sometimes fill him in with what was going on. He was pleased when she graduated and proud and scared when she joined the army, carried on dropping her cash when he could. Kept checking in on Aaron and his mom. Sending money, meds. Haranguing doctors when he needed to."

"So why was she here today?"

"They'd lost touch. She lost a phone with all her contacts and she could not remember the address here and even the hospital's changed its name. She was passing through on the way to a new posting abroad and thought it was worth seeing if she should could reconnect properly. She came here once briefly as she went to basic training."

"He couldn't have called her?"

Jo's tone was judgemental and Meredith stiffened despite herself as the younger woman continued, "I don't understand why he's not talked about them. I mean he's told me worse things." Jo wrinkled her nose slightly thinking about some of their earlier conversations,

"I think maybe because he feels like he abandoned them. Utter crap of course, he's done nothing but look out and protect them in his own way, when he was still at home and going ten rounds with his dad and then later" Meredith was defensive even as she dismissed the three years that Alex had not tried to contact his sister and blithely ignored the important life events he'd missed, "he knows you're sensitive about abandonment, about being left and he was afraid of what you'd think."

Jo tried to not respond as she imagined what Alex might have said about her to his friend,

"Alex is loyal. I told you I'd like to see you stick Wilson. But you must give him a break. Let him tell you things in his own time. He wants to be with you, you have the damn ring in your underwear drawer after all. Trust in that a little more maybe?" Meredith smiled, "Now if you don't mind I have three kids and have had maybe two hours sleep in the last twenty four. I have to go sleep. Let me go grab Bailey and you can go stay with Alex. If you want to that is?"

Jo nodded dumbly as she watched Dr Grey head up the stairs. Draining her glass pondered what she'd heard and why Meredith had decided to confide in her. Wondered why she herself had never asked the obvious questions of Alex about his family. There had after all been enough hints over the years. Since her conversation with Meredith a few weeks prior she'd been trying hard to tamp down on her jealousy of the easy friendship with no holds barred approach between her boyfriend and his self-confessed person. However sitting in the dim light she could not help but wonder if her own fiercely protected secrets were starting to poison everything.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N Thank you for all of the feedback. I sense that I may not please everyone as this starts to wrap up. There is this and then a further 2 chapters.

Jo Wilson lay in the wonderful half state between sleep and wakefulness, enjoying the warmth in her cocoon of covers. Behind her she could hear the steady exhalation of breaths as Alex enjoyed his lie in. For a moment she daydreamed of a life where lazy mid week lie in with the man you loved were easier to come by. She had a rare day off and he was not due into the hospital until much later in the day awaiting a challenging case due up from Southern California. She reached for her phone and checked the time, 9:47 am. She considered reaching for him and then changed her mind. Later. She let her eyes drift shut again.

It was well over an hour later when the screech of Alex' phone rudely woke her. He sat upright in bed, confused but well rested,

"The hospital," he muttered as he scrambled to answer, "Dr Karev here?" A pause, "Meredith? What's wrong?" He listened intently as Jo pulled a t-shirt on and headed to the bathroom listening carefully, "Sure, of course I can. But I've got to be at the hospital for four will you or Pierce be in be back by then?" Jo watched as he scratched at his bed hair, "I'm going to grab a quick shower and then I'll be there."

He looked at Jo apologetically. She continued prepping a pot of coffee,

"Jo that was Meredith. Bailey's running a fever and they won't keep him in Daycare. She's got an api she can't get out of and Pierce has been in working a trauma for hours with no obvious end in sight." He paused, trying to read her neutral body language, "Shepherd's at a conference in Boston and nanny's sick so she asked if I could go grab him." I know we were going to get a late lunch somewhere but if I go get him now we could probably eat at Mer's place."

Jo took a deep breath, "Okay. We do need groceries though and I was going to go the salon for a massage. Maybe you go sort him out while I do that then I can meet you over there and grab a pizza from that place we like that doesn't deliver here? That was if Dr Grey gets held up I can stay with him while you go meet your VIP patient." She smiled as she poured the coffee, "You should probably get a quick shower?"

He started blankly at her. Of all the responses he had anticipated the one he had just received was the least likely,

"Alex stop looking at me like I grew another head. I'm not a monster. He's a sick little kid and needs to be at home. Go shower." She planted a kiss on his cheek and pushed him gently towards the bathroom.

Reinvigorated post a relaxing, if slightly painful massage and pleased with her newly blowed dry hair Jo stepped out of a cab in front of the Grey household a phone to her ear as she ordered pizza. As she walked up towards the porch Meredith Grey swung her car into the driveway and Jo watched as she breathlessly pulled her youngest daughter from her car seat.

"Afternoon Wilson. I'm so sorry about this. I got home as soon as I could."

Jo smiled, zen like,

"No issues. I've had a great day off and assuming Bailey is sleeping his fever off Alex will be happily enjoying your far superior sports channels I'm sure." She gave a shy smile at her sometime boss.

She held her arms out for the little girl as Meredith fished around in her purse for the keys. Pushing them into the door she grinned at Jo and shouted,

"Honey we're home!"

No sooner was the front door shut than she was hit around the knees by her squealing son, Alex following quickly behind on his hands and knees laughing as he false growled at the excited little boy.

Meredith pulled the little boy into her, back of her hand against his forehead as she did so, a reprimanding look on her face as Alex pulled himself to his feet, dropping a kiss on Jo and little Ellis' cheek as he did so.

"He's fine Mer," he assured her, "I gave him a dose of the medicine in your bathroom when we got in and he slept for half an hour or so. Temperature is back to normal and he's, well as you can see. I think they were being over cautious." To Bailey's glee he ticked the little boy around his middle as he spoke.

"Well thank you," Meredith ran her hand through her son's hair, "Wilson can I get you a drink? I know we're out of coffee but we have juice and soda or maybe tea?"

Jo headed to the living room as Alex took the baby from her throwing her up in the air as he did so securing rolling belly laughs from her as she flew,

"I'm good thanks. I just ordered pizza but there's probably time for you to get a shower if you want to."

Meredith frowned and moved her nose to her arm,

"That bad hey? If you guys don't mind I'll take you up on it. A mom never says no to an uninterrupted shower!"

"Hey Bailey, do you want to get some toys out for your sister?" Alex encouraged gently pulling his girlfriend to his side,

"Thanks again for this, you've been a sweetheart about all of this."

Jo smiled ruefully,

"It's amazing what eleven hours of sleep does for your perspective on life." She lifted herself on her toes to kiss Alex. Before she could deepen the kiss she felt a small hand pulling at her jumper,

"These are her favourite books," Bailey announced pushing a handful of colourful picture books into Jo's hand, "She likes to be snuggled when you read to her." He turned to Alex with a triumphant grin, "if the girls read then we can carry on playing."

Alex looked to Jo, worried that this was pushing it further than she would be comfortable with. She shrugged and held her arms out to take the baby back.

Some half an hour later Meredith, damp hair plaited down her back returned to the living room to find her son and Alex gently wrestling around in front of the empty fire place whilst the young resident was curled up in a chair reading quietly to an enthralled Ellis. Meredith stood and watched her son romp for a few minutes loath to break up the domestic scene in front of her,

"Bailey," she gently admonished, "Bailey you have to let Alex up sweetie. He needs to go to work." She looked apologetically at the clock.

"Shi..shoot!" Alex stood, "I really do need to go. Jo I'm sorry I'll get a cab and you can take the car home. I am so so sorry time just ran away today."

Meredith interrupted, wary about how Jo would take this final act of destruction to her planned day,

"If Jo doesn't mind waiting I can run her home when Zo gets dropped off from her playdate. It should be a little after five. Also," she turned to Jo cautious, "pretty sure you ordered pizza you should at least be able to eat it?"

Alex looked to his girlfriend, the question clear in his eyes. She and Meredith had reached a peace of sorts but he was not sure if leaving them together was the best idea. She looked uncertain but nodded slowly,

"Sure. If you don't mind."

Meredith nodded, "Not an issue. Bailey say good bye to Alex and come get a glass of juice please." Alex picked him up and flipped him over his forearm in a mid-air summersault, "Come on Bailey. Let Alex and Jo say goodbye." Meredith encouraged her son in a tone that brooked no compromise.

"Later buddy." Alex lowered him to the ground and finished with a hair tussle and fist bump. He watched Meredith and Bailey withdraw before leaning over and kissing Jo deeply he stood,

"Enjoy your evening. And thank you for this afternoon. Really," he continued lowering his voice into a husky whisper, "And I gotta say that looks good on you." He tilted his head to the baby cocooned in her arms with a wink and a half smirk. He raised his voice, "Later everyone. I'm off to save a life!"

He slipped his shoes on and walked out keys in hand more than a little apprehensive about leaving his best friend and girlfriend alone.

Pizza eaten and Bailey and Zola playing a complicated game of make believe in the little playroom / study Meredith looked at Jo frankly,

"Thank you for today."

"It's not a problem Dr Grey. Like I said to Alex he's a little boy and he wasn't well. It's not an issue."

Meredith raised her eyebrows slightly,

"Well not discounting the fact he seems absolutely fine now I'm still grateful." She paused debating whether to speak further, "Bailey only vaguely remembers his dad and now the poor kid's growing up in oestrogen central. He loves his auntie's but they don't roughhouse with him like Alex will." She panicked slightly, "that's not to say that Alex would replace Derek or that I would want him to, I just…"

"Please. Its fine I understand I think. To be honest I've enjoyed spending time with healthy happy kids. I don't do that at work and didn't really growing up either." Jo stared into the distance debating whether to ask the question that had been whispering at the back of her head for months and had picked up volume since the front door opened this afternoon, "Do you think Alex wants all this for himself?"

Meredith was confused,

"All what?"

"A baby, babies, a picket fence. A normal life?" Jo was horrified to hear her voice quaver slightly.

Meredith took a deep, calming breath conscious of the importance of both the question and her answer.

"No such thing as a normal life Wilson… Jo. Trust me on that front. Do I think Alex wants to spend his forever with you? Of course. I know that. You know that."

Jo fidgeted in her seat. The ring box remained a source of quiet tension in their loft,

"I've seen Alex face up to the idea of kids before. He's an honourable man."

"You mean Izzie when she was getting treatment?" Jo clarified whilst Meredith looked surprised,

"Well yes. And there was a crazy woman and a hysterical pregnancy but that's not really the point. My point is that Alex would be a great dad, a brilliant one in fact. He'd stand by you tomorrow if you got pregnant, and I think jump at the chance if you offered. But honestly if you didn't and that was a show stopper on having his forever with you he'd take his forever. There's more than one kind of family Jo. People like me, like Alex. We make our own. I think you're the same?"

The sound of a key in the door disturbed them as Amelia rolled her case into the hallway, talking a mile a minute. Meredith rolled her eyes,

"Family! Shall we get out of here?"


	15. Chapter 15

Jo Wilson hung up the phone with a surprised look on her face,

"Anyone seen Dr Grey? I just took a seriously weird call."

"She said she was going to get some air. I'd try those benches round past the ambulance bay." One of the nurses recommended.

Jo set off to find the attending; from what her caller had maybe an hour to prepare She turned the corner and stopped in the doorway. Dr Grey was exactly where Patricia had said she might be but she wasn't alone. She was half laying, feet braced on the bench her head resting on, or at least exceedingly close to Alex' leg. He was leaning forwards slightly. One of his arms lay loosely across his body, fingers tickling at strands of Meredith's hair whilst the other gripped his forehead. Jo stood fascinated. It was a strangely intimate scene and one she realised that did not inspire the pang of jealousy it once would have.

"Would you stop moving." Meredith told, rather than asked him, "You've sat down on my hair and you're pulling it."

He muttered an apology and half rose brushing her hair from under his leg as he sat down.

"There." He sounded frustrated, "Now will you help me? What the hell do I do?"

Jo stepped behind a pillar to hide herself and listened. He had been fine last night and as they rushed through their morning routines and she wondered what had sent him looking for Meredith, head in hands before lunchtime.

"Start again. I really didn't follow your first incoherent rant."

"Peterson. Morgan Peterson She's interested in doing her fellowship here next year. In paediatric surgery."

"Your pregnant intern? The girl you nearly failed your boards over?"

"That had nothing to do with her and everything to do with her dying son." Alex was quick to fire back, "but yes her. "Apparently she followed her douche of a boyfriend back home and has been doing her residency there. But he's moving to Seattle Pres. and she's looking to do her Fellowship here."

"In pedes?"

"Yup in pedes." Alex clarified, "I've had the head of paediatrics from Cleveland on the phone telling me I'd be an idiot to pass her up. Apparently, she has a knack not only with the kids but with the parents."

"That would make sense."

"But you know," Alex was tentative, and Jo wondered who this woman was, that she had never heard of was, "she …"

"She was hot for you." Meredith was matter of fact as Jo listened frowining,

"No." Alex was vehement, "She imprinted that's all. She had no one and I was around. Anyway she's married now,"

"What to the ass who abandoned her while their kid was dying?"

"The same."

"Idiot. Still I don't think she imprinted. She wanted you. I remember now. Arizona said she kept pulling you into photographs and decisions making meetings and there was all the feeding going on. Cristina was sure you were doing the dirty with her in the on call room."

"I was not. She was on her own and needed someone to be around that's all," he defended himself, "I'm in _your_ family photos and you don't want me."

"Now who's being an ass?" To her own surprise Jo found herself smiling as she listened to the two bicker. Meredith ignored him,

"Look, what's your problem here? Is it Jo? If so don't worry, you guys are solid. Is it embarrassment that you ran that girl round the hospital till she had a heart attack? She's clearly past it if she wants to come work for you. So, you already know what you need to do. You're just feeling weird about it. Interview her, see how she goes. You've got a couple of other interesting candidates, right? See them all; pick the best one and be glad you have budget for a new fellow this year."

"Yeah but…"

"Quit whining. If you really feel weird talk to Arizona first so she doesn't say something inappropriate at the Heads meeting when we review applicants next week. Now will you please leave me alone to enjoy this rare moment of peace and sunshine?"

Jo withdrew back into the hospital hallway feeling slightly guilty for eavesdropping. She counted to 100 quickly and headed back outside,

"Dr Grey?"

Meredith sat up and eyed Jo,

"Wilson."

"I just took a weird phone call Dr Grey."

"Not you too?"

Jo attempted an innocent and uncomprehending look that had Meredith narrowing her eyes in suspicion. She sat up, crunching her shoulders as she did so,

"Go on then."

"It was a doctor out at Everett. A Doctor Kulkarni. She is the onsite physician for one of the tech companies that have opened up there," Meredith motioned for Jo to speed up, "she says they have a senior VP who needs a liver transplant and that have found a match." Meredith's brow crumpled in confusion, "apparently they will have the company helicopter in the air by 12 heading in our direction."

"The company doctor says _they've_ found a match?" Meredith flipped into teaching mode, "And tell me what was it that made you think this was 'weird'?"

"I'd expect a referral from another surgeon as a minimum. I'd also have expected to be able to find the patient on the transfer list," Meredith's eyebrows shot to her hairline at this piece of information "I'd also want a clearer answer about how the donor came to be tested in the first place."

"All great points. What would you do on arrival?"

"I'd want to review files and I think given the circumstances take my own histories from both parties. I'd want to redo the match test and I would want to be 100% confident that there was no pressure being placed on the donor. After that assuming it's all about board I'd need to speak to UNOS before we even thought about cutting?"

Meredith nodded,

"All good. I'd like you with me on this one. Can you go get set up and if you haven't already, warn trauma we have a helicopter en route that is not for them. I share your initial concerns on this so I'm going to go brief the Chief. I hope you're wrong Jo but I fear you may not be."

* * *

Alex stood in the kitchen wrapping leftovers.

"I heard about your case today Jo. Mer said it was a great catch."

Jo shrugged,

"Anyone would have figured it out once they saw the 'donor'," her voice vibrated with anger, "he looked like he'd been pushed down a flight of stairs and then run over by a herd of elephants."

"But they way Meredith told Webber the story tonight in the lounge you'd already figured it out, or at least had concerns before they arrived. She said it's what made it all work out so smoothly."

"I'm not sure about smooth. The guy needs a new liver and he still doesn't have one."

"Yes but now he's on the list and been tested properly."

"Hmmm. But that poor janitor is going to be out of a job for sure."

Alex pulled her into a hug, "You're a doctor Jo. You can't worry about that. We do no harm. Forcing or allowing someone to be forced to have difficult surgery because he has a megalomaniac for a boss does not meet that criteria."

"That's what Dr Grey said."

"Well she would." Jo looked questioningly at Alex, "Did she not tell you? She gave her dad a liver transplant years ago. He couldn't get on the list because he hadn't been sober long enough. She was out for weeks."

"Her dad's an alcoholic?"

Alex looked a little abashed at having shared the secret, "They aren't close, but yes he is. He's sober now, or at least he was last time I spoke to him but it was touch and go there for a while. It got pretty ugly when his wife died."

"Meredith's mom?"

"No Lexie's." he reluctantly explained, "Thatcher – that's her dad, he left when Mer was little. He re-married and she didn't see him til he turned up when we were newish here. His second wife died at the hospital, awful circumstances. Anyway not the point. The point is you did well today and Meredith was singing your praises."

Jo snorted,

"That seems unlikely."

"Well have it your way but I'm telling you she's been saying good things about you recently. She was even complementary about your grant pitch. If you still want to think about a specialty in general surgery, then I think that doors open to you."

Jo was stunned into silence and he smiled,

"Now what do you say to an early night?" and he pulled her towards the bed.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N Post Season 12, Ep 23 but pre 24. So after the proposal but before the angry words. We're heading totally AU by the end of this. Further notes at the end.

"Jo are you okay?" Penny Blake looked apprehensively at Jo Wilson who was sitting half dressed in the residents locker room. There was no answer,

"Jo!" Blake shouted and was surprised to see her peer jump from her seat and backup against the open cubbies,

"Penny. Sorry. Didn't see you there." she pulled the shirt she'd been holding over her head and glanced down at her feet, one sock on, one sock off, "It's been a crappy couple of days."

"Tell me about it." Blake sympathised, "we're trying to pack and Callie's still a mess. It's been getting on top of me." She looked abashed, "I had a melt down and cried in Meredith Grey's arms a few days ago. Mortifying."

Jo frowned, "Really? Still at least she likes you and you won her over in the end. Wouldn't have thought that when you first met," she chewed on her bottom lip, "it's taken me years to get her to see me – as a surgeon and a person and now that's all screwed as well." She ignored the puzzled glance the other woman sent her way as she slipped her sneakers on, "I've messed everything up Blake."

Penny sat down and waited looking at the smudges under Jo's eyes,

"Have you been sleeping?"

Jo tuned tired eyes towards Penny,

"Not properly, not in days. I'm stuck in neuro which is so not what I want to be doing and I'm having to study and prep for everything I do and we've still lost three patients in three days."

"All the more reason to sleep I'd have thought."

"When I get home, the loft is noisy and creaky on my own."

"Do you want to go grab a quick drink? Medicinal?"

"No. I need to go catch the bus – they don't run very often at this time of night."

"Blake can I have the room please?" Both residents jumped at the sound of Meredith Grey's voice from the doorway. Penny smiled sympathetically at Jo and fled,

"Wilson have you not sorted out your car yet?"

"They can't fix it." Jo was quiet.

"Okay then. Ae you ready to leave now? I'll drop you."

Jo stared wide eyed at Meredith,

"Don't look so surprised I've been running you to and from work for most of the year." Meredith was uncomfortable and her words came out clipped,

"No," Jo was bitter, "you've been running Alex to and from work for most of the year I just happened to be with him. Like a newspaper or his gym kit." She lifted her head, "I appreciate the offer Dr Grey, but I can't right now. I just can't."

Understanding dawned for Meredith,

"Alex is in surgery with Maggie. They found a heart for the Lucas kid. They'll be there most of the night. It'll just be us." She paused giving Jo time to answer, "Come on Wilson I need you back on my service next week and getting the bus back to your neighbourhood in the dark is a bad idea." Meredith picked up Jo's purse and headed to the door.

Jo resigned followed behind her.

Jo was relieved when Meredith put the radio on as they pulled out of the parking lot and drove in silence letting her rest her head against the window. The relief was short lived when the silence was broken five minutes away from the loft,

"I wasn't sure I wanted to get married you know," she started apparently from nowhere, "I love Derek. That is to say I loved Derek but I didn't have any idea what a good marriage looked like and I didn't think it was for me." A nostalgic smile played on her lips, "we'd been on again and off again so many times. I loved him and I wanted to be with him but I did **not** want to walk down an aisle with people staring. The dresses left me cold."

Jo listened, interested despite herself. Callie had told her part of the story months ago but she was keen to hear it from Meredith directly,

"I had a friend who was all about weddings. She was the kind of girl who had a scrapbook of wedding ideas. She knew what the dress should be, what canapes should be served, what Derek needed to wear. And she threw herself into planning my wedding colours and dresses and flowers and cakes."

"It was Izzie." Jo was quiet.

Unperturbed Meredith continued,

"It was, which means you know why Derek and I didn't get married that time. But after that he still wanted to and I wasn't sure. There were surgeries and patients and there was also just this fear. Anyway, we compromised. We made our vows to each other and that was that. Except it wasn't really. We felt like we belonged together but not everyone saw it that way so when we came to adopt Zola we did. Just the two of us at Town Hall."

She pulled into a parking space and turned to Jo,

"And the thing is, after that I felt differently. Maybe it's old fashioned but saying my husband felt changed after that. We'd been saying it since the post – it but it felt different. We felt like a family whether it was the two of us or the three of us and then the four of us," she smiled sadly, "even now I kind of feel like it's the five of us. I learned that marriage can matter." She took a deep breath, "He loves you and wants to be with you. You love him. Why is he sleeping on my couch Jo?"

Jo met Meredith's eyes and was confused to see the warmth in them and to her embarrassment she felt her throat contract, as her secret bubbled to the top of her thoughts. She was surprised to find she had started talking,

"I've done something awful," she managed to stutter holding Meredith's eyes. She watched and was shocked to see the concern appear rather than the hatred she was expecting, "There's something I've never told Alex and he's never going to forgive me."

"Alex can be more forgiving than you think." Meredith pursed her lips in a rough half smile, "I ran away for nearly a year without a word and he's still my friend."

"It's different."

"Of course it is. You're the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with."

"Wanted." Jo corrected sadly,

"No. Wants." Meredith was certain, "What's the secret? It'll take something pretty big to scare him. Izzie had had a teenage pregnancy you know, I have unknown family members appearing all over the place; he's been surrounded by crazy his entire life. I'm pretty sure he can take it."

Sitting in the half light of the car with Meredith's encouraging half smile Jo wanted to believe her,

"Can you come up for a minute?" she asked.

Meredith didn't answer but simply switched the engine off and got out of the car.

In the loft Meredith sat apprehensively on the sofa, trying hard not to fire out questions as she watched Jo remove a key from one drawer and move to another and extract a locked box. Her attempts to help had gone further than she had planned and she was starting to worry that Alex might be cross with her interfering. She blinked as Jo crossed slowly to her, eyes filmed with tears and a shaking hand offering up an envelope. Meredith took it and waited. When it became clear she was not going to get any more insight she opened it and withdrew a stack of photos which were face down. She flipped them over and gasped.

The first showed a younger, Jo her face terribly bruised and beaten, right eye entirely closed and nose clearly broken. She looked up and Jo looked down quickly to avoid her eyes. The second was a photo of her back; ribs clearly showing the imprint of a shoe. A third showed deep contusions across her wrists. A forth showed her upper torso with vivid bruising attesting to the damage delivered over an elapsed period. Meredith stopped flipping feeling a stab of panic and a wave of nausea rise in her.

"Jo?" the question was muted

"My husband," she whispered.

Meredith leaned closer,

"Jo, did you say 'husband'?"

Jo lifted her eyes to Meredith's tears glistening in her eyelashes,

"My husband used to beat me," her voice, initially strong, cracked, "he would hit and pinch and punch and kick but always where no one could see. Then one day, one day I bought the wrong thing and he slapped me across my face. I felt my nose break and then he just kept going," Jo was staring into the distance seeing horrors of the past, "I already knew I wanted to be a surgeon and he threatened to break my fingers. Then he kicked me until I blacked out. When I woke up he was gone, and I finally left." She was shaking from the force of her supressed tears.

Meredith moved to her side and lay her arm lightly over the younger woman's shoulders,

"Jo this is nothing to be ashamed of. This does not have to be a secret."

Jo flinched away from the kind touch and tone and stood,

"No! You don't understand." She shouted, tears flowing freely, "I ran. There was this refuge and they saw me, they helped me. I changed my name and then I ran."

"You got out. Your survived. There's bravery in that."

"You're not listening!" she roared, "I'm not brave. I ran. I'm still married!"

Meredith stopped jaw open slightly,

"See! I can't marry Alex because I'm still married. I can't get a divorce because he'd find me, and I swear if he finds me, he **will** kill me. Even if against all the odds I got lucky and the bastard died it wouldn't matter because it's not like Alex would want me anyway. I mean we've bene together for years and he doesn't even know my name!" she folded in on herself sobbing as she slid down against the wall.

Meredith watched for a moment before rummaging in her purse for tissues and tablets. She walked quickly to the kitchen and poured a glass of water before returning to the still shaking woman,

"Jo shhh," her voice was quiet and as gentle as if soothing one of her children back to sleep, "take this." She rubbed her hand tenderly up the younger woman's back. "Who knows about this?"

"No one." Jo blew her nose and rubbed furiously at her swollen eyes, "I mean. The woman at the refuge and then the couple of people who helped me with paperwork but that's it. You are the third person in the world to see those." she gestured at the photographs on the sofa.

"Alright then. But I know now, and you aren't on your own."

"Are you going to tell Alex?" Jo's tone was fearful,

Meredith paused a moment knowing how important her answer was,

"He's my family and he's hurting. He loves you and I know he'd want to be there for you. But it's not my story to tell, not unless you ask me to. In which case I will and gladly." She handed Jo the water, "I hope you do decide to do that. For him and for you. But I think maybe a decision to be made with a clearer head and some sleep? Amelia is home with the kids, so I can stay here."

Jo took another mouthful of water feeling calmer despite herself,

"You don't need to do that."

"I know I don't. But I will, and I'd be happier if you weren't alone. Go freshen up and we can talk some more. This is going to be okay. We can make this okay."

Jo flashed a grateful smile and headed to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat shaking from adrenalin and the knowledge that her secret was out she wondered whether everything really could be okay again.

A/N So there we have it. This is the longest thing I have ever written and it took on a life of its own and started to morph from what I started as an attempt to look at Alex' growth and commitment to his created family set against Jo's slower fight against her immaturity. Re-watching scenes and episodes I became really interested in how Meredith went from dismissive and uninterested in Jo to accepting and even supportive of her relationship with Alex and how Jo went from such jealousy and dislike to having Meredith be her call in the Season 12 finale (although I remain convinced Jo, with her history will never be truly accepting of the man in her life being so connected to others) I hope you enjoyed and thank you for all the comments and feedback along the way.


	17. Epilogue

A/N I've played fast and loose with timeline here. Assume this comes some months after chapter 16 and that Jo's announcement as Chief Resident has already been made. Its slightly different in style and arguably both ambiguous and angsty than the rest of the story but I hope you enjoy my conclusion. More notes at the end.

* * *

 _Even when a wound heals the scar remains. Maybe it's in plain sight, maybe it's carefully hidden, maybe it sits ignored for months or years but you should never forget it's there. Scar tissue is more sensitive to pain, more likely to cause complications down the line. You can move on, you should move on but forget that it's there at your peril._

Jo was already in the bathroom when Alex awoke with a start, reaching out with a wide stretch to her side of the bed, long since empty and cold. He listened to the comforting sounds of her shower and tried to remember the last time he'd woken slowly wrapped around his girlfriend; the last time they'd leisurely, or frantically, made love in the early morning light. From the time she had filed her divorce papers until the day that Paul had finally disappeared from their lives for good she'd been slowly pulling away he thought.

He had tried to show how proud he was of how hard she worked to balance her increasing specialisation in orthro, her responsibilities as Chief Resident and the long shadow that the uncertainty her, now, ex-husband had cast. He had tried to be supportive and she had continued to be affectionate.

He was grateful for her presence; thankful they had found their way back together and more careful with his words. He'd started to try once more to cook shared meals and to drive them alone to work cradling her hand as they crossed the lot. He'd worked hard to ensure that they worked together; calming young nervous patients, in careful synchronisation in the OR, eyes communicating over masks; fixing broken bones and saving lives. He'd continued to climb into bed, talking late into the night, strategizing on how to file divorce paperwork and bring the civil suit simultaneously in the peace and the comfort of darkness.

In all of this he thought they had stood shoulder to shoulder in a way that her crushing secret, the differences in their ages and associated seniority at work and his complex historic relationships had never let them before. And yet, he thought, there was a new distance.

In the peace that came after the divorce was finalised, the civil suit upheld and the noises of criminal charges from Cambridge had died down there was an underlying uneasy calm. The congratulations were made, the tears dried, and the bystanders started to move on from the drama. The certainty of his friends, finally accepting of her and forming her newly extended support group that Seattle was where she belonged was met with a serene but often blank face. Suggestions of leaving the loft and buying a house closer to the hospital; one with a yard, room to entertain and spaces for visitors or the implicit children were gently sidestepped. The nights out with the third and forth year residents became more common.

Yes, he thought. I love her, but I can't reach her.

Jo stood, enjoying the hot, streaming water as she luxuriously shampooed her hair for a second time. She had woken clinging to the edge of her side of the bed and had wondered the last time she had woken warm in her boyfriend's tight embrace. She had slipped out of the bed quietly, loathe to disturb Alex, lying so peacefully and looking younger and more serene than he ever did in his waking hours. As she rinsed her hair she tried to remember the last time he had slid the door of the shower open and joined her. He was more solicitous of her now and it brought with it a distance.

She wondered if he'd been like since Meredith first shared the awful truth or if it was the first time he'd looked at her afterwards, eyes pained, and tear filmed. Perhaps it was when he tentatively slid the door of the loft back and suggested that he could come home again.

He had been supportive; loyal to her in front of his friends and co-workers in a way she had never consistently seen before, reassuring when she worried about the demands of being Chief Resident and nonchalant about the threat of the spectre of her, thankfully, now ex-husband. She tried to show her appreciation and he in turn was grateful for it. Kinder to each other than ever before.

She relished their time together; quietly amazed at how they had found their way back together although bemused that her previously passionate, hot headed boyfriend was so composed as he came to understand the extent of the untold truths. She tried hard to listen to him as he cooked her dinners, thank him for the end of carpooling and squeezed his hand tightly as they walked across parking lots. With the loss of the weight of her secret she grew in confidence and worked more capably and with more assurance than she ever had before, enjoying the opportunities to work at his side on the ward or opposite him in an OR as she demonstrated her skill, fixed bones, saved lives. She appreciated his input, his engagement, his support as they plotted and planned her final escape in the evenings; even if she missed the sharing of more mundane daily information as they lay in the cover of darkness.

In all of this she thought, they had felt more like a team than ever. No longer did her skeletons rattle in the dark or scream and howl when he lost his temper only to return with apologies later. No more did she feel the burn of abandonment or the sting of being an outsider to his friend and her family. And yet, she thought, there was a distance that had never been there before.

Whilst grateful for his company and support she had been determined to ultimately face her demons alone, insistent that nobody else could do it for her and unable or unwilling to lean too long or too heavily on anyone. She had vowed to herself that she would not, could not allow her future to be set and shaped by a man; no matter how kindly or well-intentioned the input was. She'd been grateful but suspicious of the help and support of previously less accepting colleagues.

At the end of it all, ink dry on her liberating divorce paperwork, civil settlement giving her more money in the bank, more opportunities than she'd ever had before and an injunction meaning heading back to the East Coast was a possibility there remained an underlying, uneasy sense of life being on hold.

She had held her head high and accepted congratulations she did not feel she deserved, graciously. She smiled, relieved when silences and stares no longer followed her down the corridors of the hospital. She tuned out Alex's friends, their recognition of her several years too late, as they assured her Seattle was home. Instead her head danced visions of fellowships across the States, of research grants in Europe; of an army secondment. All choices she'd denied herself, fearful of any movement, of any change making her visible. Alex's well meaning attempts to ground her, provide roots by way of a bigger house unnerved her. His barely veiled hints of a future where they'd marry in the back yard and populate the spare rooms with children felt like a slowly tightening straightjacket, newly acquired choices trickling away before she had even had a chance to taste them.

Yes she thought, I love him but he's not listening.

* * *

A/N I was planning to leave this at Chapter 16 as I felt I'd done by best to outline how I saw Jo's views and attitude of Meredith and Alex's relationship with her evolving and how she herself matured.

However I couldn't quite drop the idea of how Jo's story with her husband might reach resolution and what that might mean for Jo and Alex. My personal take on their relationship is that they love each other but are not always good about talking about the important stuff (see too many examples to list) I also think they are in very different places in their lives. Alex is all about being an adult whilst Jo has been about living under the radar. I wanted to play with how that might look.

Read this whichever way you will. Maybe they continue to work on their relationship together and live happily ever after or that Jo, newly empowered goes and does something for herself. If you've read any of my other stuff you'll know which may I think the end game goes 😊


End file.
